(lowercase intended) . . .
since i'm pretty sure majority of us sinners are simping for this man and the only thing we're getting on our knees for is def not god,i've decided that the lack of really good, long oneshots/fanfictions of him is basicall...
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i saw this and knew what i had to do
fem reader since uh
yk
if u read
the pic
i'm sorry pals and guys :(
someone told me i was so good at dodgeball bc im asian and have ultra instinct like thx bro i agree now give me your dog then
also some dialouge parts might be weird cause i cant fucking s e e
also short one again
- - - - - - -
you were scrolling through your instagram, seeing a pic of ruv and sarv with a burning house behind them and the caption "i love arson".
at the very moment you were fuming in anger, since one, your gates to hell have opened, and two, selever sent you a snap about not being pregnant and even offering to "help".
he said, "then maybe i can help you not have your niagara falls every month. it's free, and you get a benefit of nine months off. it's like, a free trial, and you can cancel anytime! might want to put your credit card info, though, because once the free trial is over, there is no unsubscribing."
you would've wheezed if you didn't feel like being a jackass to everyone. thankfully, you were a lucky one and didn't get cramps, (i don't get cramps so i didn't know if i wanted to write that-)but your mood swings were huge. you could be happy one second, and then selever could open his mouth and you'd be like "silence plebian" and fucking shoot him or something.
the door to your room opened, and before you could screech, a bar of chocolate was flung at your head. with your now amazing catching skills, you caught it easily and quickly stuffed it into your mouth.
"so. like, i was asking for some large tampons, you know, and the lady was 'like don't you mean like low or heavy flow?' like no, i mean i need some large tampons. she asks me about your flow, and i had to tell her your rap depends because you're more of a rock singer. like if you were asking for the glizzy glucker spin 360 suck suck 3000, would you ask about their rap flow?" he sat down the huge bag of definitely stolen candy and a whole assortment of every product for periods you could find in a store.
"selever-"
"shhh,shhh. if you keep talking, i'll have to take this candy away and you'll have to eat ruv's specialty water." he plopped onto the bed. you immediately shut up and took some gummies from the bag.
selever turned on the t.v, looking for a horror movie now that you were in your 'bruh this world fucking sucks and everyone's dumb and stupid' mood.
"next time you send me into a lady product aisle, please tell me your rap flow. it was hard work stealing all of these." he chomped on a bag of chips.
"selever, i will fuck you up."
"so you're taking up my free trial?" he winked.
- - - - - - -
look at all the references i do to other oneshots
anyways, i use "fuck u up" so much
but like
i never say it myself
then again i don't go around laughing like JKHASDKJAHSDKJSH
:lipbite:
ms paint cat (pls i draw so much better than this we were doing that challenge where u draw a bad sketch and someone tries to make it better) commie cat b wildin
I USED MY MOUSE PLs dont hurt me
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have to clarify i'm not a furry but commie cat is sexy so i'll make him an oc
