Evading My Mind

Boney Hills

Falling, falling ... f a l l i n g.

All the way down, down ... d o w n

The staircase

Flailing, flailing ... calling.

Who am I calling to who am I reaching for,

What do I think I see

What am I trying to grasp?

each step a sharp tool to my back,

each step a dark stone to my head.

I want to know I want to know, I, want, to know

Why am I falling,

Flailing,

and,

Calling.

Reaching struggling gasping.

I don't know where to go or where I am going down these steps

But I don't know how to stop this fall.

I see the pain and I hear the loneliness closing in around you

But I can't reach you because as I fall right your fall left.

I throb inside as water seeps into my mouth and burns my eyes.

My lungs scream silently and make nothing more than hopeless bubbles,

I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying

I promise.

But the chains are so heavy and my blood poisoned by lead,

I'm so far down there are no fish, no sharks, no strange glowing creatures.

The glass has broken and the water is still.

My flag is soaked and my cheeks sunken in

Because down here it is such agony,

Falling, falling ... falling

And trying to learn to swim in this unrelenting tide

With unrelenting chains,

And unrelenting weariness dragging on my soul.

I grab a fist of oil and it drips away

leaving my hand empty and greasy.

It repels the water as I try to wash it off.

They all knew they all saw, they all know, they all see,

I am a monster in my skull

Stuck inside without the light.

I make children run and water slip away

So, banish me

to the boney hills where I fit in

Where I belong.

Where I can lose myself and not care

Because I try so hard but it feels so feeble.