How To Act Gay [LiLo]

[8] The Confusion.

HARRY'S POV

Stifling a yawn, I stretched out my limbs, idly scratching my bare stomach with my right hand as the coffee machine was at work. I leaned my hip against the counter, slowly blinking away the remnants of sleep.

I was typically a morning person. Went to bed early, rose up early. They say that makes you healthy and wealthy and stuff, and I'm still waiting on the wealthy part to be honest.

But unlike every other time, I'd fallen asleep pretty late last night, tossing and turning, thinking about what had went down at Louis' house yesterday.

After Louis had given us the greatest news ever of him snagging the role and basically his career being saved, we had all gotten smashed, and all of us being lightweights was a contributing factor as well.

So Louis, Zayn and I had naturally slept the whole day away, and woke up in the evening with hangovers. Louis had offered me to stay at his and Zayn's place like I normally did loads of times, but this time it felt... awkward. And I'm pretty sure I knew why.

And so I'd made it out of there as fast as I could, Louis informing me as a parting note that the day after tomorrow would be his first day on the set and Zayn was to tag along with us. I was really excited to be honest. And of course, I had to be there because I was Louis' somewhat agent. And Zayn will be a guest, which he almost fainted and kissed Louis when he heard about.

Speaking of Zayn and kissing, I knew Zayn was about to kiss me yesterday. And honestly? I have no idea how that makes me feel. Confused? Disgusted? Relieved?

Confused. I was pretty confused actually. Okay, I knew Zayn had a crush on me. He wasn't actually very subtle with all the heart eyes and squeals and gropes and honestly it was very flattering but sometimes uncomfortable because I had no idea what to do.

Should I just let Zayn be? Acknowledge this and tell him to stop so as our friendship won't be ruined?

I went with the former of course. I just let Zayn be and continued to act oblivious, thinking that Zayn would lose interest in me and stop with his advances because I want him to stop but at the same time, I wanted him to actually do something instead of hinting. Which he did.

Zayn confuses me when he looks at me with his doe like eyes. Sometimes I even start to doubt if I do have feelings for Zayn. But I'm mostly just scared because I've never even looked at a guy in that way before.

I might just be Zayn-sexual.

And so my plan had been, to just ignore Zayn's subtle and not so subtle advances and continue on with our friendship which will hopefully bounce back to normal.

But look at how that worked out.

Zayn usually wasn't that bold because I never urged him on nor do I have a reason to. I was shocked beyond hell when Zayn had been about to kiss me, and I still can't figure out if I want to cuss Louis out or thank him for his impeccable timing.

I had no idea what would have happened if we had actually kissed. If I would have liked it? Or hated it? Or what if I couldn't have held back and kissed Zayn senseless? And damn, wow, now I was curious. This guys scrambles my head!

I've become pretty adept at hiding it though, any of my doubts, remaining impassive. That's just my logic. Don't react, and it will all fade and the dust will settle.

Louis knew of course, and I also knew he urged Zayn on as he was always up for setting us up. And he was grinning like the Cheshire cat yesterday when a drunken Zayn mumbled that he'd tried to kiss me. Louis said he'd grill us again, but he was too occupied with memorizing his script and letting his nerves swallow him whole as of now.

The coffee machine beeped, snapping me out of my thoughts as I turned it off, reaching for my mug and pouring myself some. I pivoted on my heel to reach for my fridge inside the small kitchen of my even smaller apartment, stirring my coffee.

My cat Dusty suddenly started weaving though my legs, and I rolled my eyes as she must have smelled the canned tuna inside the fridge. I fixed her some food and poured her the remaining milk from my coffee, walking to my couch with my mug in hand as I sifted through my inbox. I replied to the worker of the PR company Louis was recently signed with, fixing an interview with her for Louis' publicity and stuff.

He wasn't even mega famous yet, but it still was precautionary. Wow.

I was so proud of Louis, and also of myself that I finally managed one good thing in my newly started career and my degree in show business management wasn't going to waste.

But mostly for Louis, whose life is for sure turning around and I'm glad I could be a big part of the reason. I had seen Louis struggling for years to achieve his dream, and finally he had reached the pinnacle and I felt like a proud mama bear.

I chuckled and replied to a few panicky texts from Louis, who, like I predicted had forgotten all about the me and Zayn situation and was fretting over if he makes a good second impression tomorrow and if he can even act and countless other stupid things that I almost contemplated not replying to.

I pulled up Zayn's conversation, biting my lip and typing in a text.

harry: lou's gonna grow white hair if he doesn't calm down soon

My phone pinged seconds later.

zayn: ugh ikr?! he wasn't even eating! just pacing. i tied him to a chair and force fed him tho so all good

He didn't really do that because
harry: i dont doubt that you did! keep an eye on our lovely son

zayn: our adorable tiny son aw

harry: haha yeah i'm so proud of him

zayn: gahh me too! ^_^

I chewed on my lower lip, typing in the next message.

harry: hey. we need to talk right?

zayn: do we?

zayn: i meant, do you want to???

I thought about it. Yeah. Yeah I want to talk about it and clear it all up once and for all. And hope that out friendship can become less awkward again.

harry: yeah i want to. lets be mature about this

zayn: fine. tomorrow then

harry: tomorrow's lou's day zayn. how about today?

zayn: alright i'll swing by your place after i finish feeding our son!!

I suddenly felt conscious all over  again, because of Zayn coming over. I had no idea what had changed in just a day. Zayn comes over all the time. Ugh.

harry: sounds good :)

Zayn made it obvious that he's interested in me, but I really don't return his feelings so it's no use. I'm going to tell him that. Yep.

Besides if Zayn and I even got together-- which we won't because even the idea of it freaks me out-- we would never mesh well.

Zayn is quirky and impulsive and shy while I'm cautious, boring and pretty much old-school. We're opposites, and not in a good way.

I just hoped after the last encounter, Zayn would just forget all about it and we'll be back to normal normal because I don't want to risk our friendship and I don't want Zayn confusing me anymore.

I mean no! I'm not confused. I'm just annoyed.

I finished my coffee in huge gulps, setting the mug down as I ran my fingers through my hair.

I might be bold and handle people well, but I was shitting myself with the simple thought of talking to Zayn about being kissed by him. And it was so stupid.