The Imperfect look

6

"That piggy's mom must be a pig too"
I unconsciously bowed my head in instinct feeling incredibly insulted. I gripped my skirt tightly thrust clenching up. Lifting my head tears pricking my eyes from the anger I felt.

Hearing him go on brought something out in me. "You're rude as fuck you know that"
I was breathing in and out so shallowly it was if I was competing for the olympics.

I starred dead on at the one who spoke it was like something in me had snapped. "Don't fucking ever-" my voice was shaky and everyone was staring at me.

"You've gone too far" whipping around I stared at Daniel in disbelief thinking he was pulling that shit he did at our old school. To my surprise however his eyes were dead set on zack.

Unbeknownst to us we had that sort of look in my eyes. As if we're trying to kill you with our stare. As if at the slightest minute we'd strike like coiled snakes in just a second.

I jumped in surprise at the loud noise in front of me as the crash of the desk pulled me out of whatever 'that' was. My body relaxed and my heart stopped beating in my chest as if it were trying to jump out

That rage. That rage was burning me up each second. I was stuck in such a stupor after the minutes behind it were like a blur.

When my mind had lifted from the fight haze it was in however. Things really set in and I was left as confused as I was before. I was standing behind my brother hand barely covering zacks but he was stock still and shaking in my fist. Squeezing tightly I could feel the bones in his hand.

I let go quickly and backed up not even realizing what was going on. It was terrifying the way my mind just seemed to react to anger. The way my chest had calmed down yet it was as if I had ran a marathon. I felt drowsy and hot.

As if I was reacting to the rage like alcohol. The crowd gave me a wide berth as I made my way to the school doors I needed quiet I needed air. I was breathing harder now and I felt like I was having a panic attack. Running to an alley behind the school  I leaned over trying to catch my breathe.

It was like something was trying to take over me. I lifted my hand to the wall in a lack of control and slammed my fist into the wall. And then I couldn't stop.

I beat my fists against the wall as if the pain was non existent. I wanted to scream.  Falling onto my knees I tried not to pass out from the pain in my knuckles.

It felt like I was beating against the wall for an hour when I'm sure it was only a few minutes. My muscles were screaming but my vision was blurry and dark and I felt like I might pass out.

It's like I couldn't control my own body for those few moments but the control was slowly being gained with each deep inhale. As if that moment had never happened.

I was slowly calming down permanently and my vision was becoming clearer. I was passionate about my mother yes by it felt like i was about to put those three into a fully furnished casket.

I couldn't even remember the time between then and running to the alley. It felt like I was backseat in my own body.

It was like I had taken a bad drug that increased my instincts and yet took away my will to make consciousness decisions. It also felt like a crazy withdrawal When the high had gone and the almost mind numbing throbbing pain of my body set in and my heart had slowed down from overdrive as if it were it's last moments.

I didn't know what that was but whatever it was it was dangerous and I wanted no part in it.

"Are y-

"A- RA"

"Are you- k ?!"

"AE-

"AERA"

I was so deep in my concentration for any sense of normality. I didn't feel Daniel shaking my shoulder. I lifted my head sweat dripping down my brow.

He fussed over me worriedly checking my bruised knuckles the way our mother would and I stood up almost falling trying to even appear ok.

I had to be half carried home from the way I was wobbling. But my mind was more worried about what the fuck was going on with my body.

The way my body almost gave in when I reached the house was terrifying. Dangerous even. As my other body slept it off I did as much research as I could. That was the most scariest moment of my life it shouldn't ever happen again.

I am so sorry I really thought dipping was ok. Next thing you know I'm gone for fucking forever but I'm back now and ready to really get into writing