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Chapter 36: Facebook Friend

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It was later that afternoon that Nicky decided she had to come clean, after that group activity John Michael had initiated and now that she and Josh already had a peaceful closure, she too wanted to make closures and make peace with both Iggy and Red.

So that afternoon, she knew what she was about to do—gather all the strength and courage she could muster and talk to them. After what happened earlier, she felt like she was on a roll. But then, somehow, the thought of another confrontation scared her. It felt even more nerve-wracking than doing defense for a research paper in front of a panel and the whole class.

First stop—Iggy. There was no more graduation song rehearsals. The seniors just hanged in the room, waiting for the teachers to sign their clearances and the bell to ring for flag ceremony. She then walked towards where Iggy was seated, huddled by a group of boys. She tried to ignore them as she asked if she could talk to him in private. The boys jeered and looked at her meaningfully.

“So, what about, Nicky?” Iggy then asked her the moment they were alone. They were sitting on a cement bench under a young Molave tree. It didn’t help that it was in front of the school and a lot of students could see them, but it was the only place distant and quiet for them to talk.

“I just have to say it then,” Nicky exhaled.

Iggy looked at her expectantly.

“Do you know I was crushing on you since the first year?” She then said.

Iggy nodded. “I thought so, but then you didn’t write my name on that questionnaire. So—”

“You thought so? Since when?”

“I found it out this year, when Camille told me. But I never really know you’re crushing on me since the first year.”

“Well, yeah, I was,” Nicky then blurted, feeling a bit embarrassed and a little squeamish.

“I just kind of dismiss what Camille said when I asked you about it and you just seemed to deny it.”

“Right,” Nicky nodded at him, remembering their motorcycle ride to the market to buy that tablecloth the principal ordered her. “Well, you thought it was silly for me to be crushing on you so what am I supposed to do then, tell you I do have a crush on you? What difference does it make? You were still with Camille and I don’t want to get in between you two—and well, I couldn’t even.”

“Okay.” Iggy’s voice was low.

“Camille was right. I had a crush on you. It was a long-time crush I’ve been keeping all throughout high school until now.”

“And why tell it to me now?”

“I want a closure between us. And I want you to know the truth from me, and not from some rumors or from other people.”

“Closure? I don’t understand.” Iggy shifted his weight on the cement bench. Nicky caught the strain in his voice.

“I know, I’m making you uncomfortable right now. This isn’t easy for me, too. But please, just bear with me.”

“You still didn’t answer my question. Why are you telling this to me now?” He shot her a sidelong glance.

Nicky took in a sharp breath. “I could only keep it for so long. You have the right to know. You deserve that. I don’t want you to be done with high school wondering about me or that I had feelings for you. But I doubt that you would. Still, I have to come clean, now.” She paused and took in another breath. Then she turned and looked at him. “I did have feelings for you. I have liked you so much for almost the entire high school. And sometimes, I even thought you kind of felt that way about me, too. Maybe, I was just paranoid then. I was always reading the wrong signs, you know.”