TOXIC

I don't know where to begin......So I'll just start with when the hurt started. Mother you are my best friend but my heartache began with you. Like a first love, a first heartbreak you were my first broken heart. Mom I know you were sick but at age eleven years old , you gave up on being a mother. I stepped up I cooked, I cleaned and took care of the kids. I was just a girl and thought this was just how growing up worked eventually I realized it wasn't normal. Finally when I was thirteen you seemed out some help. You found out you had depression , anxiety and severe Bi-polar disorder. It finally made sense why you did all those things that I was confused about. I think before the diagnosis came out I realized that you had a problem but like you say Mom " I always painted my face to act like everything was okay" You were a completely different person behind closed doors. You would scream and yell for hours at a time. You woke up one morning and had what I would call it a meltdown....you walked into my room and woke me up by screaming my name saying that my room was a mess , you threw me to the floor and I was in that room till Dad came home from work at five. The kids didn't eat that day...no matter how many times you screamed at me , slapped my face , hit me and pulled my hair all that was on my mind that day was the kids didn't eat. I know you were sick and it was just all because of the depression. When dad got home that night that was the first time he really saw how bad it was. He dragged you off of me and out of my room that day with you crying like you were the one who got beat and screamed at all day. People who read this will ask How does a mother treat her child this way? it happens were human my mom was human. I held a lot of grudges for a long time against my mom.... it hurt me more in the end then it did her. Life continued like this for a bit until Drake moved back in. That still didn't stop you completely.