The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai

CHAPTER EIGHT / VICTIMS

Nightmares.

Everyone is leaving me.

I took care of everything after Naoji's death. For a month I lived alone in the house in the country.

Then I wrote Mr. Uehara what was probably to be my last letter, with a feeling of futility.

- - - - -

It seems that you too have abandoned me. No, it seems rather as though you are graduallyforgetting me.

But I am happy. I have become pregnant, as I had hoped. I feel as if I had now lost everything.Nevertheless, the little being within me has become the source of my solitary smiles.

I cannot possibly think of it in terms of a "hideous mistake" or anything of the sort. Recently I havecome to understand why such things as war, peace, unions, trade, politics exist in the world. I don'tsuppose you know. That's why you will always be unhappy. I'll tell you why - it is so that women willgive birth to healthy babies.

From the first I never set much stock by your character or your sense of responsibility. The onlything in my mind was to succeed in the adventure of my wholehearted love. Now that my desire hasbeen fulfilled, there is in my heart the stillness of a marsh in a forest.

I think I have won.

Even if Mary gives birth to a child who is not her husband's, if she has a shining pride, they becomea holy mother and child.

I disregarded the old morality with a clear con-science, and I will have as a result the satisfactionof a good baby.

I presume that since last we met you have been continuing your life of decadence or whatever it iscalled, drinking with the ladies and gentlemen to the tune of "Guillotine, guillotine." I have nointention of suggesting that you give that life up. It will, after all, most likely be the form your laststruggle takes.

I no longer have the desire to say, "Give up your drinking, take care of your health, lead a long life,carry through your splendid career," or any of the other hypocritical injunctions. For all I know, youmay earn the gratitude of later people more by recklessly pursuing your life of vice than by your"splendid career."

Victims. Victims of a transitional period of morality. That is what we both certainly are.

The revolution must be taking place somewhere, but the old morality persists unchanged in theworld around us and lies athwart our way. However much the waves on the surface of the, sea mayrage, the water at the bottom, far from experiencing a revolution, lies motionless, awake, but feigningsleep

But I think that in this first engagement, I have been able to push back the old morality, howeverlittle. And I intend to fight a second and a third engagement together with the child who will be born

To give birth to the child of the man I love, and to raise him, will be the accomplishment of mymoral revolution.

Even if you forget me, and even if on account of drink you destroy your life, I believe I shall be ableto go on living healthily, for the sake of the accomplishment of my revolution.

Not long ago I learned from a certain person in considerable detail about the worthlessness of yourcharacter. All the same, it is you who have given me this strength, you who have put the rainbow ofrevolution in my breast. It is you who have given an object to my life.

I am proud of you and I trust I shall make the child who is to be born feel proud of you.

A bastard and its mother.

We will live in perpetual struggle with the old morality, like the sun.

You, too, please try to continue to fight your struggle.The revolution is far from taking place. It needs more, many more valuable, unfortunate victims.

In the present world, the most beautiful thing is a victim.

There was another little victim.

Mr. Uehara.

I do not feel like asking anything more of you, but on behalf of that little victim I should like to askyour indulgence in one thing.

I should like your wife to take my child in her arms - even once will do - and let me say then,"Naoji secretly had this child from a certain woman."

Why do this? That is one thing which I cannot tell anyone. No, I am not even sure myself why I wantit done. But I am most anxious that you do this for me. Please do it for the sake of Naoji, that littlevictim

Are you irritated? Even if you are, please bear with me. Think this the one offense of a desertedwoman who is being forgotten, and please, I beg you, grant it.

To M.C. My Comedian.