Cover Your Tracks [HS][2014 VERSION]

47. Bulls in the Bronx

"Please don't take this out on me, 'cause you're the only thing that's keeping me alive . . ."

Relationships are built brick by brick. It takes not one but two to set the stones and glue them together, forming a structure that can stand the test of time.

Sometimes there are kinks along the way. You rush into things and place a brick down just enough out of place to cause the structure to wobble. You grit your teeth and shake your head, hoping with everything you have that the weak link will hold steady. You keep building the relationship brick by brick, each bound together by trust the way it binds the two building it.

There are moments in life that are defined by our mistakes. You say the wrong thing; do something at the wrong time; get caught in an act you didn't mean to commit. My downfall was that it had happened to me all at once. The relationship Harry and I had spent so long building fell apart in seconds and it was all my fault.

It is with great angst that I watch him disappear. I feel the bond that we share stretch as the distance between us lengthens and the tension seems to grow at an impossible rate. For a moment, I worry that I will feel the snap as the trust between us is broken for good.

He shrinks against the horizon while I stand here, wishing that I could somehow stop him. He had walked into the situation at the wrong time, had heard the wrong things. The worst part of it all is that I know that those words had cut him deeply. Everyone has something they don't want to hear about themselves, and I hit the nail right on the head.

An urge fills me to the brim. I want to expel all of the air from my lungs and scream into the gray, clouded sky. I want to make my voice louder than the engine carrying Harry away from me, but I stop myself. I stop because it's no use and my father would come busting out of the house upon the slightest disturbance.

Sinking to the ground, I take the soft blades of grass in my hands and twist, ripping them from the earth. My frustration is not easily contained as I grit my teeth and bite my tongue so hard that I worry it might bleed. The potential crimson would match the rage burning in Harry's eyes upon confronting me, containing it long enough to take himself away from the situation and leave before it could get any worse.

My hands sting with the friction created between skin and nature upon ripping it all away. I had taken a living thing and destroyed it from the roots, cutting off any chance of survival. My life has been uprooted, in a way. Parts of it dying with the winter, growing back in the spring only to suffer in the summer. Uncontrollable, vulnerable to the elements that influenced the state I'm in today.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Part of me expected things to go a different way. Harry's sudden devotion and caring nature had seemed too good to be true. I expected him to fumble and mess up, ending the small amount of trust I had cautiously built up towards him. But that isn't how it went at all, because he's there and I'm here and it's all my fault.

I have to try and reach him.

My body surges and I dash into the house, retrieving my backpack and taking it with me. My feet are loud as they march up the staircase. My lungs are sucking in unhealthy amounts of air by the time I reach the top, instantly going into my room. My backpack is slung across my mattress, papers falling out and scattering themselves in a messy array atop my comforter.

I dig out my phone and find his contact. There is no time wasted in pressing the 'call' button and pressing the device to my ear.

"I'm sorry, but this person has a voicemail box that has not been setup yet. If you would like to leave a message-"

I end the attempted call and return back to the home screen of my phone. The message app catches my attention and I mull over the idea for a moment before clicking it. Flicking my thumbs around aimlessly, I ponder over what I should send.