❝ frustration, anger, or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and one's way of living ❞
or
geoul shu-jin escaped the grasp of the shu han's and general kirigan, landing herself on the barrel known for homing infamous criminals and gangs. the...
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"IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A SICK JOKE?!" he questioned as soon as he entered her room, eyeing her as she hurriedly crammed a small wooden crate with her bow, arrows, and kefta's.
"i have to do this, andrei. i don't want to serve for his cause, his plans are atrocious!" she exclaimed, not even sparing him a glance as she continued to rummage through her antique drawers, seeking a certain necklace with an exquisite pendant.
"what, are you going to cross the unsea on foot?" he asked incredulously, stepping towards her as he took her hand on his own, looking her dead in the eye as their eyes both pooled with tears.
"i will if i have to." she said softly, pulling him into a hug as she cried on his chest. it felt like home to her - but now she was leaving her home. she'll be wandering the streets just to escape the grasp of the only thing she looked up to since she was found in the mountains.
"i'll come with." he offered, but the girl simply shook her head, pushing him away as she grasped the pendant of the necklace.
"you can't. i know you admire him like a father, and i won't take that away from you." she stated, closing up the crate as she hurriedly wore the necklace to her neck, hoisting the heavy crate to her arms, she went for the door, but was stopped when she felt his hands on her wrist.
"don't leave me," his voice cracked. "please." he finished as a sob came out of his lips, stopping the girl in her tracks. she knew she can't turn back now, for when she does, she'll be compelled to stay.
"i don't want to leave you, you know that." she admitted, tears continuously falling from her eyes like a river right below a mountain.
"that's what you're doing right now," he said distastefully, grasping her wrist firmly. "and what of our promises below our tree."
"i don't know," she replied in a small voice. "but i swear that i'll come back." she finished, slowly slipping his hand from her wrist.
"just like that?" he asked, hurt, betrayal, and anguish all swarming his eyes at once. "all of our memories, every intimate touch we've shared is nothing to you?"
"it's not like that. i would choose to stay," she stated. "but i can't. my conscience would not allow me to." then she walked away, leaving her room door open as the boy succumbed to knees, his loud sobs echoing throughout the room and into the hallway - it felt like even fate does not agree with her abrupt decision, making sure that she truly suffers for what she'd done.
she sneaked off the stable soundlessly, not making a single sound as she opened the wooden door, looking around for mere seconds before continuing, soft sounds enveloped the room as the hay crushed on her foot. the second she found her brown mare, she grabbed a rope from the stable's inventory, tying it around the crate and her horse's body.
after adding the saddle, she slowly opened the exit doors, quickly sprinting towards monkey - who was named by andrei himself, for she had lost on a bet with him. and after making sure that everything is alright, she lashed his rein, making monkey dash out the stables and in the dark of the night.
