lessons [wk]

- 01

"can i ask you something?"

"of course, what's up," weston turns to face me, and drops his phone on top of his lap. his hair lands delicately below his jawline, brushing over his skin when he turns his head. he always tells me that he feels it desperately needs a trim, but i quite like the long length.

"uh," i sit down on the other end of the couch, pushing myself close against the arm of it. weston's brows cross at the distance i put between the two of us, but quickly recover to listen to what i have to say.

"yeah?"

"ok, this might make or break our friendship, so hold on, i actually don't know if i wanna ask anymore," i think out loud, refusing to make eye contact with him.

he laughs a little, the soft sound bringing comfort to the stress ahead. "just ask. i mean, i don't really think there's any thing you could say that would just 'break' our friendship," he shrugs, waiting patiently for the question.

"oh my god, it's like really embarrassing weston i don't think you're understanding," my face cringes just thinking about asking him, which shoots another laugh out of him.

"mar, it's fine, just ask! since when did i get this reputation of being so judgy?" he places a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended by my assumption.

i groan, "ok, i'll ask. but please let me say everything i need to say, dont butt in. okay?" he nods, repositioning himself to completely face my body. he tried taking in my facial expression, although not being able to take a guess at what the question is.

"i've only ever been with a girl, sexually," i drag out that word, saying it a bit quieter than the rest for whatever reason, "in my whole life. so, you know, we're moving soon. which means more opportunities, which means more late nights out, which means a lot of guys to be with."

i take a deep breath, getting ready to spit out the part i was dreading. westons eyebrows were already slightly raised, and would only get higher with the next bit.

"so, you're a guy. i guess i was wondering if you would like...let me use you to experiment with? i know that wording sounds shitty, i just, yeah," i cut myself short, slouching further down into the couch.

"you've only ever been with a girl before?" i nod at the question, and my cheeks flush a light shade of pink. "not even with sam? holy shit, you guys were together for like a year."

my lips press into a firm line and i nod slowly, the mention of my sex-less relationship with my old boyfriend making my stomach tighten.

"so, if you don't mind me asking, why do you wanna choose me to try stuff out with?" i internally groan at the question, knowing it was coming. i don't really have an answer planned out for this, because in complete honesty, i don't really know why.

"i dont know," my voice is quieter than usual, "i mean, i guess you're an attractive, experienced guy. and i'm an inexperienced girl. well, in that range. i have experience, im not a virgin, but not with guys. never even made out with one."

"what? you and sam kissed all the time," hes confused now, talking with his hands as he tries to understand the situation.

"yep, that's as far as it went. i meant we never like made out made out."

"oh," he slumps back on his side of the couch, and runs a hand through his brunette hair.

we sit in silence for a few seconds, toying with my nails to pass away the painful time. at this point i didn't care if he brutally rejected the offer, i just wanted him to say something.