Pick Up the Pieces [sakuatsu]

Chapter 4: Awkwardness

Sakusa saw he had a text from Atusmu.

Atsumu: Omi-kun what are ya doing in the off-season? are ya travelin' like everyone else?

So, Atsumu had figured it out too. That they would be the only ones in their friend circle to be here in Osaka for the next month. He tried to act like this was not going to be a big deal for him, so he wrote what he hoped sounded like a disinterested reply.

Sakusa: no. I'm just staying here. need a workout partner?

Atsumu: yeah. same schedule as last year okay?

Sakusa: yeah, should be

Atsumu: kk see ya tuesday morning

Kiyoomi put down the phone and clasped his hands behind his head. He hadn't been awake long but was lying in bed on his back staring at the ceiling and thinking. He didn't usually sleep in but allowed himself to do so on Sundays. Lying there, he thought of Atsumu and the prospect of them spending time alone together over the next four weeks. It terrified him.

Ever since "That Night" his urge to confess his feelings to his teammate had been growing. The memories of the heated passion and soft touches were constantly on his mind. He was a bit obsessed. He was getting to the point where he knew he'd have to confess or he was going to explode from indecision and awkwardness. It was better to get things over with, get his feelings out in the open. If he was rejected, so be it. At least he could deal with it and move on.

His main concern right now is that he was awkward with people. He related to people and could read them, but expressing himself had always been difficult. He was shy, and he wanted things to be perfect. He always felt that his standards for himself were impossibly high but he didn't know how to lower them. He just always wanted perfection. So he thought grimly, he was sure that while he wanted to say lovely heartfelt words, only awkward, stuttered phrases would come out. Or at least that was how it worked in his imagination as he contemplated the scenario.

During the next month, he knew he'd be spending a lot of time alone with Miya working out. That is probably not the best time to confess, was it? Or maybe ask if he wanted to watch a movie or something? That might be better. And maybe he was making things too complicated. He could just plan on saying "Miya, I like you" or maybe "I have feelings for you." Was that better or worse? Would it be awkward? Is there any way to do this that wasn't awkward?

He finally sat up and got out of bed because he was getting anxious thinking about various rejection scenarios. Still though, he was resolved to get it over with sometime in the next month. If he was rejected, at least they could avoid each other for a while until things didn't feel so uncomfortable. And being in the off-season meant they didn't need to see each other every day if they didn't want to.

He got up, made his bed and then showered. He didn't have any plans to go anywhere today, and that was okay. He would clean the apartment, read a book, watch some volleyball videos, and cook dinner. He was actually a pretty decent cook so he ate healthy meals most of the time.

After today, however, he was worried about being alone too much. If he only saw Miya two or three times a week for a couple of hours, that left a whole lot of free time to fill. Last year he had hung with his friends several days a week and it had been comfortable for him. He liked the solitude most of the time, but regardless of what people thought of him, he did like people and wanted to be around them, on his terms that is.

His cousin Komori was in Nagano and other family was in Tokyo. Both were pretty far away. He supposed he could visit if he wanted, but he didn't like traveling. It got him out of his routine and out of his comfort zone. So that left two choices -- being isolated pretty much all summer, or spending time with Atsumu.

He wanted to spend time with Atsumu but honestly, he was worried that Atsumu did not want to hang out with him. He was quiet and awkward while Atsumu was lively and energetic. In other words, he was boring and no one wants to be around boring people.

He could TRY to not be boring he supposed. How does one do that? He couldn't tell jokes, that was for sure. He wasn't all hyperactive like Bo and Hinata. He was a good listener though, and that had to count for something, right? And why should he change himself anyway? He shouldn't have to. Miya could accept him as he was or, well, he could piss off.

Having decided that being his own, albeit awkward, self was his only choice, he vowed to do two things in the next month: seek Miya's company and confess. His first chance would be in two days. If he had an opportunity to confess, he would take it. He would not chicken out this time, he promised himself.

[Morgan Freeman voice: He did not, in fact, keep this promise.]

[A/N: this was boring, i know. when they meet up it will be more exciting.
i have such a hard time writing sakusa for some reason. :/ 
i just don't feel like i can find his voice. oh well, i'll keep trying]