REDEMPTION- MARVEL

• ONE •

2018

"Cass! Cass where'd you go? Cass! Oh there you are," Steve said, sliding past her room and back inside the doorway.

"Yes Steve?" Cassandra asked, setting down the makeup brush she was holding.

He quickly ran up to her and threw his arms around her. She'd never seen Steve so happy, though they all seemed to be coming to terms with what happened in different ways.

For example, she was masking her pain and guilt with what to most people seemed like love and kindness. Steve would be happy one day, then wouldn't come out of his room the next. Natasha just slept, all the time. Thor and Bruce barely spoke, which was slightly more normal for Bruce. Rhodey hadn't left the lab in a week. And Rocket was still a raccoon, which brought a whole new box of coping mechanisms to the table.

"What's this for?" Cassandra asked as he squeezed her tightly.
"You and Nat! I'd give her a hug, but she's, um, where is she?"

Cassandra pointed to the bed, where a Natasha sized lump was slowly breathing under the covers. Steve nodded, and hugged her again.

"You better not break her heart," he said, with a serious tone and a bright smile on his face.
"I could've said the same about you and Peg, or you and James," she said, smiling as he blushed. "Is that all you came to tell me," she asked, talking to the mirror because she couldn't see him herself.
"Oh, I got word from Carol, she hasn't found Tony yet, but she's not gonna stop looking."

Cassandra's heart dropped. Tony had been missing for close to three weeks now, and they'd gotten no word from him, no messages, no nothing. Steve noticed the look on her face, and put a hand on her shoulder. She sighed, holding his hand. A tear slid down her cheek, and she sniffed. Another tear fell down her face, and she wiped it away.

"We'll find him," Steve said.

Cassandra nodded, and turned around in the chair to face Steve. She felt more tears well up in her eyes, and her voice cracked as she said,

"I'd like some time to myself."

Steve nodded, patting her back, and leaving the room. He closed the door politely behind him. Cassandra sunk her head into her hands, her body shaking as she cried quietly into her hands.

She heard the bed move, and then Natasha's quiet voice.

"Come here Cass."

Cassandra stood up, laying next to Natasha. She pulled Cassandra towards her, letting her cry on her shoulder. Natasha wrapped her arms around her, kissing the top of her head gently. Cassandra closed her eyes tightly, shaking with sobs. Natasha pulled her closer, and rested her chin on Cassandra's shoulder, rubbing her back.

"It'll be ok милый, we'll find him," she whispered.

•••••••••••

Cassandra laid with Natasha for a while, and eventually she stopped crying. Her entire body felt heavy, and she was exhausted, but she couldn't sleep. She didn't possess the capability to sleep during the day, she never had. Even as a child.

She just had to keep moving. Keep going, keep herself busy. If she kept going, she wouldn't have to think about it. She wouldn't have to wallow in her guilt and grief. She wouldn't have to sit with her thoughts if she kept moving.

Natasha didn't agree with her. Natasha knew exactly how she felt, but her coping mechanisms seemed to be a little bit more healthy. And that wasn't saying much. Natasha said it would be better if she talked to someone.

But she couldn't. She already relied on her team for so much, she couldn't put another thing on their shoulders when they already had their own problems to deal with. Cassandra could deal with this herself, it would take a while but she could do it. She'd been believing in that for some ninety years, she could go a bit longer. 

Cassandra moved to get up, but Natasha held on to her tighter, making a noise that sound like "No." 

"Nat come on I have to get up," she tried to wiggle out of Natasha's grasp, but she couldn't. 
"No."
"Nat come on. Please."
"No."

Cassandra sighed, trying to think of a way to get out. Natasha's grip was nearly impossible to break, unless you were willing to pay some hospital bills. She couldn't break her girlfriend's fingers, and she couldn't stay in bed forever.

"You aren't leaving until you talk to me," Natasha said, holding on tighter.
"We're talking right now Nat."
"You know what I mean."
"I don't, please explain," Cassandra said, sarcasm lacing every word.
"This is an intervention. You need help, but you won't talk to anyone about it."
"Fine. Can we sit up though, it's easier to spill my guts that way."
"Sure."

this chapter is kinda shitty ngl. anyways, i'm sorry it's taking so long to update, i'm sort of loosing inspiration for this fic but we'll finish it.

ilysm have a fabulous rest of your day  <3