My life is literally a wattpad story

Therapy isn't going good

Hello there. Some brief information about me, we'll say my name is B for now, and i'm currently 16 and today is Wednesday, June 30, 2021. I was reading something on here and someone started talking about it their own life and i throughly enjoyed it, so i figured i could start doing this on my own. It could help me, might entertain a few people, who knows? Anyways, going along with the chapter title for now.

So last Wednesday I had my first appointment with a therapist ever. It was meh, just kinda boring cause it was a lot of intro stuff you know? Anyways, today was my next appointment and I went into it a little optimistic, just trying not to overthink about it.

We went over why I had wanted to start going to therapy and I said that I think there's a chance i could be depressed and it's making some stuff hard. She was like, "okay well when you think about being depressed, what are some immediate things that make you think that?" I told her things like "being constantly tired, no motivation, wanting to sleep a lot, loss of interest in activities," you know, that stuff. She then proceeds to ask if I know what may be causing it and I told her I have no clue.

I didn't say this part, but it literally just comes in waves throughout the day and hits me really hard with no real, valid reason, I just have to deal with it.

Then she asked me about any plans I have for the summer and stuff like that. After a few minutes it circled back to the possibility of being depressed and she told me she thinks i'm just bored because my life is the same every day and there's not much happening so i'm just tired of the same routine.

I was like okay i guess that makes some sense but then she was saying for me to try and find things for me to do throughout the week so I have stuff to look forward to. She was giving me examples of stuff like "watch videos on how to play things on my guitar, learn a language for a little each day, go to the library and get book to read, etc."

I was like okay, whatever, but the issue is, I DON'T HAVE THE MOTIVATION OR INTEREST TO DO ANY OF THAT! Like ma'am, i barely have the energy to feed my lizard twice a day and shower, what makes you think i'm really gonna want to do anything new for the whole three hours i'm awake after I get home from work?

Even when i make plans to do stuff that may be fun, like going out with people or do big things with family or whatever, i barely want to do that even if it sounds fun. Nothing is that interesting me anymore.

Anyways.. after that session ended, i ended up just wanting to cry —i didn't cause i'm too numb to be able to actually cry — and feeling slightly invalidated cause she didn't say that i couldn't be sad or anything, but she kinda just dismissed it and said i need to find things to do. Which after thinking about it for a while, wouldn't do stuff just count as 'distractions' which is what people use during the day/with people, to make it seem like they're okay and make them forget for a while before they go home and it all comes back?

I don't know man. The whole situation is taking over my mind though so that's slightly exhausting.

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If anyone read this and is slightly interested in my life, thanks for reading this. Let me know if you're interested though so I can find the motivation to continue.
xx B