Song Remains the Same

Chapter 99: Cabin Fever

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

After the stop at Gas-n-Sip and Cas's peek into the porn magazine, the road trip got even more bizarre. While a very traumatized Kevin clutched his tablet with wide eyes and looked more and more emotionally-violated, Cas proceeded to question Dean and Sam on the appeal of anal penetration, and then he pestered Alex for her thoughts on it, too. She turned red and deflected, obviously wanting to disappear into thin air. Meg was more than happy to volunteer her opinions, but no one wanted to hear that. Kevin made a comment about "how can this guy be an angel?!" and Meg laughed loudly. Dean and Sam both basically told Cas after he didn't get the hint to please freaking stop asking about it, and then Cas gave a long spiel about how vaginal penetration was so amazing that he didn't see a need for anything additional (cue Alex getting redder as her brothers got more and more uncomfortable), however, he then proceeded to give a "but I don't do that anymore," speech about sex in which he sounded regretful and even apologized to Alex, saying he was sorry he couldn't fulfill his "husbandly duties" to her anymore because he did know how much she enjoyed "sexual encounters" with him. Dean was fed up and red-faced and told the angel to just shut up or get out.

Cas agreed to shut up... however, he immediately began going on and on about honeybee facts and what kinds of things honey was good for, chattering on and on like a child. Dean lost it and yelled when he couldn't take it anymore, Cas became quiet and cowed, and the car fell into tense silence. In the middle of this silence, Cas turned to Alex and took her hand and proclaimed gently, "I love you more than bees love honey. I love you more than anyone loves anything."

Meg snorted and Alex, tired as crap from a sleepless night, a little humiliated from all the sex talk in front of her brothers, nodded wearily. She wasn't really able to take him seriously or look him in the eye. She was getting more and more depressed. It was settling in that Cas wasn't going to ever be himself again. That she'd really lost him somewhere along the way. She wasn't sure what to do or where to go from there. It was a lot to try and process and handle.

So, Alex withdrew and stared out the window, trying to figure out the future. It was all so overwhelming. After awhile, her eyes began to sag closed and the noises and voices around her faded into a muted, incoherent buzzing sound as exhaustion and depression claimed her then coaxed her into a very-needed sleep. Cas smiled at her and commented aloud on how adorable she was when she was asleep. A few hours passed, and then Cas decided to go join her.

Alex was vaguely aware that she was dreaming, and that was good enough for her. Nothing else concerned her at that moment because the dream was good—pleasant, comforting, a little hot honestly. She was on the attic bed in this dream and wrapped up in Cas, and they had been kissing each other deeply for what seemed like years and years with no intention of stopping. He was naked and clothed at the same time, which wouldn't make sense in the real world, but in the dream world it did. Without being told, Alex knew this was them before everything had fallen apart—this was him when he'd been him. Rolling over languidly, stuck together like magnets, they kissed and kissed and kissed and she sighed contentedly, pulling him closer because he just felt so, so good... so warm, so familiar, so nice...

And then, nearby, someone who sounded very much like Cas spoke up. "Is that really what I look like from behind?"

Disoriented and startled, Alex and dream-Cas broke apart like caught lovers to stare at the source of the voice. And that was when Alex realized this was a very odd dream indeed. Near the bed, Cas was watching himself and Alex in curiosity. Double-checking—yes, there was a Cas on top of her and a Cas a few feet away, too, she frowned. "...Why are there two of you?" she asked slowly. "That's... that's new..." she got a little nervous about what kind of bizarre places this dream might go. "I don't know how I feel about this."