I'm In Trouble Deeper

Thirteen

"Hey," Danny said quietly as he put baby Sean down for his nap. "How was your check up?"

Linda frowned and didn't say anything, only turned around and walked into their bedroom. She sat on the bed, and hardly registered Danny sitting next to her.

"Something went wrong." He guessed, hoping it was nothing serious.

"The doctor said it would be... wise and beneficial... if.. we.. didn't have any more children."

"Beneficial?"

"It wouldn't be safe for me or for the baby, because Sean's birth was so traumatic." Her hand went to her stomach, where an ugly, purple line rested across her abdomen. She had not wanted a c-section.

"Something else is wrong."

"They... want me to have a tubal ligation."

"What the hell is that?"

"That is when they go in and tie my Fallopian tubes." She went on to explain, because Danny looked thoroughly confused. "It's out-patient surgery, so I won't have to stay overnight."

"What is it exactly? Is it... complicated?"

"No, it's fairly easy. The doctor is going to make small incisions in my abdomen, here and here," she touched her fingers to the spots where the cuts would approximately go. "They put a plastic clamp on my tubes, so I can't ever get pregnant again."

"How does that work? I know I'm sounding stupid, but I've never really heard of this before." Danny was so cute when he was innocent.

"The egg travels to the Fallopian tube, and so does the sperm. If they meet, then the egg is fertilized and travels into the uterus, where it attaches to the uterine lining. That happens every month, only the egg isn't fertilized every month. So it still goes through the traveling process, but when it hits the uterus, the lining and the egg get discarded, and I'm in major pain for three days and annoyed for five."

"Wouldn't that stop your period though, if your tubes were tied?"

"It doesn't effect the menstrual cycle."

"That's good then, right? Since you don't want to get pregnant again."

Linda sighed, "I said that, but I still wanted the option of getting pregnant, you know?"

"And with this, you can't?"

"Never. It's a permanent form of birth control."

"If you're absolutely sure," Danny grabbed her hand, "then I say go for it."

She sighed, not knowing what to do. She agreed she didn't want to get pregnant- not ever. Sean's birth and the whole pregnancy was just too much and too traumatic for her, mentally and physically. "I don't know if I'm sure."

"If you're not sure, then why'd you ask me?" He hoped that didn't sound rude.

"Because your my husband, and this is a huge thing, Danny. It's a small surgery, like tonsillitis or an appendectomy, but it's a huge thing. It means we'll never have another baby, not ever. Unless we adopt, I mean. This is a huge decision!"

He put his arm around her, "I think, given your pregnancy history, you should go for it."

"You don't want another baby then?"

"I want another baby, but I also want my wife to be happy and healthy. And if that means no future babies... then that means no future babies."

Linda felt like crying, "you're the best, you know?" She hugged him tightly, but still minded her sore stomach.

He pulled back after a while, "when will this happen? And how long will it take?"

"I told the doctor if I wanted to do it, I wanted to be fully healed from the C-section. The healing process for the tubal ligation is four weeks for complete recovery. But I'll start feeling better, like, the next day."

Danny nodded, "I'll help as best I can. And I'll try to get the day off, to drive you to and from the hospital."

"Thank you, Danny." She sniffled and tried not to cry. She would never be pregnant again... not ever.

**********

"You need to sign these," Linda handed Danny some papers ten weeks after Sean's birth.

He took them from her and sat at the table with his coffee. "What are these?"

"You have to give me consent to tie my tubes." Her voice was filled with contempt.

"How come?"

"Because the government still thinks women aren't really people, and can't decide to do what they want to their bodies."

"So in order for you to stay healthy and alive, I have to sign off on it like some kind of work thing?"

"Yes."

"That's bullshit! I bet you can't get your hormones over the counter, either!"

"Nope. I have to go to the doctor, and ask for a prescription."

"That's misogynistic bullshit!"

Linda smirked and sat across from him. She put her hand on his and said seriously, "I have trained you well, Young Grasshopper."

Danny chuckled, "you've done very well, Master. Where do I have to sign?"

*********

Linda was scared, if she was being honest. She was fairly certain she wanted to do this, and knew it was the right thing to do, but she still felt sad. After this surgery, she'd never be pregnant again.. not ever. There would never be another baby made by she and Danny.

Danny grabbed her hand, thankful that Mary had agreed to watch the kids that day. "Are you ready?"

"Absolutely not."

"Look at me." He waited to continue until she looked at him. He hated how he saw fear in her blue eyes. "This is the right choice. You prayed about it, right?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"And you said you got an answer."

"Yeah. This is the right choice, but I'm still... nervous, I guess."

He kissed her forehead, "don't be. It'll be fine, and I'll be with you for all of it."

"But the surgery. They won't let you be there with me."

"Right. Hey. You're the strongest woman I know."

"Aside from Mary."

"Right. Besides Mom. You're gonna be okay."

"I know.... I'm just being silly."

"No you're not. You're not being silly." He hugged her tightly, "the only thing this is going to change is the usage of birth control and condoms in our house."

Linda laughed against his shoulder, "you do know this is going halt our sex life even further?"

"I know. And I'll just have to remind you how fantastic it is once you're all clear and ready."

She laughed a little; Danny could always make her better. "I love you, Danny. And I'm gonna look back at this when Jack and Sean are older and think, 'man, am I glad I can't have another one. Cause with my luck, it'd be another boy'."

He laughed as well, "I love you more."

"I love you most." She kissed him, and knew this was the right decision. She would never be pregnant again, but she still had Danny, and Jack, and Sean, and in time, she'd realize that three boys was enough.