We are fine! // NCT Dream

Don't show it (N.J.)

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A day, a new chance, but why do I care if I will fail in the end anyway!?

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Well my Name is Na Jaemin and I am a member of NCT Dream. My position is pretty easy to describe and say. I am a rapper...

That's it. I think. Well, I am actually in charge of the visuals too, but my fans tell me always that I have a digusting body. I am not skinny, but also not fat. I am just inperfect.

But not the comments are the worst, it is the thing that they are right. I don't like my body. It is not as skinny as Jisungs, nor thick as Marks. I am not muscular like Jeno or cute like Renjun. I am just... me and that's bothering me.

To change my apperiance I am on a strict diet. I don't eat breakfast and for lunch I only eat an apple or two and then nothing until the next day. I know it's not healthy, but i need to loose weight and gain some muscles.

But if I am going out to eat with my members or with my hyungs I do eat like normal, but as soon as I get home I will throw up everything. But I try to hide it from my members. But that is not that easy.

One day Jisung catched me. I was in the bathroom, after we went eating with the whole NCT Groupe. I ate to much and needed to throw up. My members were supposed to be in the 127 dorm, but Jisung wanted to look after me, well that's when he saw me.

At first he got really worried, because I was throwing up. He tought i am sick, but then he checked me and eventually he found out I am suffering from bulimia.

Since then he was always caring for me. He tried to feed me, but I just ignore it. I kinda feel sad, because I know he only cares for me, but I just can't. Not yet.

I am sitting in the living room watching some TV, when I heard a scream from the kitchen. I immediatly get up and ran into the kitchen.

I see Jisung sitting on the ground, holding his hand, which is bleeding. I'm taking a paper tower and hold it on his bleeding hand.

While I was helping Jisung, Jeno and Mark ran into the kitchen.
"What happened?" Jeno asked worried. Then I showed them Jisungs bleeding hand and his tears in his face.

"He cut himself, again." I said. "Yah hyung, it is an accident, that can happen always." Jisung said kinda mad. "You should be careful maknae. But you should also visit the doctor. It looks bad." Mark stated and the boy just shock his head.

"No I am fine. I will just finish what I was doing and then go back into my room." 'You Sure?" I asked him concerned. He nod and then stand up again. While Jeno and Mark left the kitchen, I watched the maknae for a few more seconds until I decide to leave too.

I could have sworn to hear a sigh from him, but it was probably just my Imagination.