𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮 - OS

Time

'Are you in a relationship?' is a question that is haunting me all day. What am I supposed to say when I don't even know the answer myself? I love him it's still obvious, but I have the feeling that this is not a mutual thought anymore. Sooner or later my whole universe is going to end, and I can't do anything to stop it. The only thing I am still capable of is to pray for a miracle to happen for us. Because deep down on me, I already know that the thing we had before together died a long time ago. I know it. But I decided to ignore it, hoping that it was just a stupid sense and not the reality. He doesn't smile like he used to with me. Now, whenever we hang out, he is either looking for excuses to leave early, or he isn't talking at all. I tried to find a solution because I didn't want to ruin our relationship like that, but it turns out to be even worse than before. Like if all my efforts were in vain.

"Hey Dan, are you listening to me?" my best friend suddenly asked on the phone.

"Sorry man, I was daydreaming,"  I replied right away.

"It's about him right?"

Alone in my room, I was nodding for myself. I don't even have to give him an answer, he already knows everything about me. Oscar is my best friend, we met each other some years ago, but it feels like he is another part of me. We like to joke around saying we are twins, but at some points, that's pretty true actually. I don't even need to tell him things, that he can already guess what I am thinking about. Since the whole situation of my relationship, he tries to call me every day. He is my biggest support in life, and I honestly don't know how I would do if he wasn't there for me. No words need to describe things for us, we just feel each other and know everything in detail.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked me because of my silence.

"No, I just need to think about something else right now!" I said with a little voice.

"I get it! I'm gonna ask Caelen if he wants to come with me."

"No problem, the more the merrier!" I replied while choosing clothes in my closet.

"Okay, he said 'yes'. Be ready for us, we're bringing pizzas." he shouted before hanging up the phone.

I am really happy to get to see two of my best friends today because since we are all adults with an active life and different projects and jobs, it's hard to find some time to hang out with each other. But I know that they will always be here for me whenever I need them. That they'll always support me and help me to get through this. I know that I am not alone, and it feels so warm and comforting.

As I expected, they arrived together not a long time after with our pizzas. I welcomed them into my apartment and we sat down in the living room around the table, sitting on the floor. We talked about everything and anything and I felt more alive than I have in a long time. When we finished, no one said anything. We were just staring at the ceiling silently. But this silence immediately made me thought about him. My eyes were full of tears and the only thing that I needed was to listen to them. Even though it was the hardest part for me, I just couldn't handle thinking about the fact that I was losing the love of my life.

"Do you think that I did something bad?" I suddenly asked, breaking the silence in the room with my shaking voice. "Did I hurt him? Did I say something bad to him? Am I a bad boyfriend? I don't deserve him, that's why I am losing what we have." all the sentences that crossed my mind came out one after the other, while my tears ran warmly down my cheeks. My body was shaking like a leaf as louder and louder sobs came out of my mouth.

"Daniel, can you shut up and listen to me now?" Oscar yelled while trying to hold back his anger. "You are not a bad boyfriend and you didn't do anything bad to him or your relationship. From what I could see in your daily life, both of you were really passionate and caring. But you know, sometimes after years, couples just don't work like they used to and are forced to break up before becoming too toxic for both of them. I know that this is not what you wanna hear right now, but it's how life is. Unfortunately, some relationships don't work anymore after a long time, but it doesn't mean that this is the case for you. But I am not him so I can't tell you the reason why your feelings suddenly changed." he finally said, a single tear running out of his eye.