Sir Saladvocate - Lokius

🥑 One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

They both stare down at the bowl beneath Loki's hand, poised perfectly above with a frozen-in-time-and-position salt shaker, and it finally sinks in just what the god of mischief has done.

"Oh. I..." he says at Mobius, though the salad is the only one willing to listen to his bullshit, "I really did just ruin your salad, didn't I? Although... although at this point it could be soup."

"I hate soup," says Mobius, who is unhappy at both the destruction of his soup and the truth of what he has just uttered. He wishes he could like soup. Wishes, per contra, are mere displays of idealism and rarely have any leverage over reality. Wanting to like soup does not make it happen.

Loki looks down at the bowl, pauses, furrows his brow.

"What is soup, really?" he questions now. "Is this even a valid soup? You may very well enjoy the taste if it isn't."

"Soup is liquid with solids in it."

This is also partially true, although the given Webster definition (except members of the TVA do not use the Webster dictionary; they have bigger, better versions that they study instead, not like they would make use of it to look up the word "soup" anyway) is as follows:

SOUP [noun.]

1. A liquid food especially with a meat, fish, or vegetable stock as a base and often containing pieces of solid food (so Mobius is on the right track and makes a fair point here), or:

2. Something, such as a heavy fog or nitroglycerine, having or suggesting the consistency or nutrient qualities of soup, or:

3. An unfortunate predicament (See also: Mobius' ex-salad).

"Oh, liquids and solids, yeah?" Loki challenges. "So vomit is a soup, too?"

Mobius does not halter, merely countering this with his own point. "What, is a shit a baguette?" (His voice softens as he swears. Ravonna doesn't like members of the TVA advertising the fact that they are human beings that use human words.)

Of course, on the subject of the shit≈baguette conundrum, it could be soup, too, depending. This goes unsaid.

Loki cannot refute the sarcasm, so he ignores it. "Mobius, I assure you that this salad is fine to eat."

"You eat it first," Mobius dares him like a child, "and you bet your ass you'll be making soup and baguettes like nobody's business."

Loki shrugs, giving a proud, smug pout. "It may be worth the metaphor."

"The metaphor was bad and not worth the salad," says Mobius, who almost insults the god before he's distracted by his own thought process again.

"Are you a salad advocate?" he asks.

"Yes, I am," says Mobius, owning it. Loki nods.

"We should get you a name tag. Some sort of high-end badge," he suggests without an ounce of seriousness. "Give you a fancy title, like you're in charge of every salad to ever walk the earth."

"Salads don't walk," says Mobius helpfully. "Why are you so intent on seeing me eat the salad you've destroyed?"

Loki pauses and purses his lips in a dumbfounded pout. This is a rather good question, especially because he doesn't actually know why it is that he wants his friend to eat the terrible art project apocalypse. Something about the situation makes him want to see Mobius eat because he knows that is exactly what he entered this room to do. And now he has taken the rights to his salad away from him. Actually, no, he hasn't; Mobius is just a picky eater when it comes to salt and soda salads. But, still. It is a predicament that must be fixed.

This is odd as well. Loki is supposed to create mischief, not to undo it. And here he sits, desperately wanting to.

"I'd like to know how it tastes," he says instead. Mobius crosses his arms.

"You tell me," he says, with the added sarcasm: "Might as well take my fork, too."

Loki grabs the fork only to aid the mordancy.

Mobius sighs. "There was blue cheese in that, even," he whines. "That is blue cheese I will never get back."

Loki tips his head. "No surprise," he reasons. "All cheese product is typically lost in Armageddon."

He lifts the fork and takes a bite, realizing efficiently that Armageddon tastes like baguette.