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o n e h u n d r e d - e i g h t y

OUR WEDDING
a post by Gloria.

I think breaking down equals to realizing how strong you actually are. Whenever you do, the only thing you can think of is to get back to normal, fix yourself up — is the makeup right? do they know I cried? — and bring yourself out there and act like nothing happened. It's brave. It was brave the big day [the wedding day]. I woke up early, before everyone else in the room — when I left the bed Perrie was snoring so badly and Jade had earplugs in —. Bold to say I woke up, it's better if I correct myself: I finally got myself out of bed after a long night where I barely slept. I spent the whole night listening to Perrie's snore, Jade constantly moving and moving and rolling over and Leigh-Anne talking in her sleep.

Probably the worst night I've ever spent counting break-ups nights. My anxiety never left my side. I left the bad regardless everything: bags under my eyes, feeling tired and the constant thought of this marriage being a mistake. I have loved Harry since forever [platonic love still counts], I have truly forgave him for the cheating scandal he made us through. Harry is my.. everything. However those thoughts never left me alone.

I had a shower, to shake those ideas off of my mind. I had the longest shower I've ever had. No cap. By the moment I left the bathroom everyone was up and bragging on how they had the best sleep ever. The hairdressers were ready and waiting for us and the beauty team was on its way.

I think I held on for thirty minutes before running into the bathroom and breaking down. Why was I even breaking down for?
Perrie knocked at the door a couple of times before I started fixing myself up. "Jeez, give me a fucking second", was the only thing I could yell at my best friend worried for me. A gemini acting like a bitch, what a surprise.

My breakdown made us almost one hour late. When I came back to the room, the beauty team already started doing the girls' makeup and I needed to get my hair done yet.
Not to mention the challenge the wedding dress gave us. It took us twenty minutes only to get to close the corset then other fifteen to get into the dress.
Perrie had to knell down and help me wear my shoes for the ceremony meanwhile Zayn and Louis were blowing our phones up because we were ridiculously late.

When I left the hotel to reach the church were Harry and I were supposed to get married, it was a challenge to sit inside the fancy car. The dress was big, I always wanted a big fucking dress, but I never realized how challenging it would have been until that specific moment. But it was all worth it once I saw Harry at the altar waiting for me.

We said yes. We wore our wedding rings. We kissed as the newly married couple we were. I can't deny I cried. My mum had to land me a tissue or two while Harry was making his speech — I always forget how foreign people call it — so I wouldn't ruin my make-up. I wasn't even able to make a reasonable speech as I was sobbing like a baby. I think he still understood me.

Moving on to the part all of you have been waiting for: the after party! Shall we?
I can't remember the whole night, as much as I try I simply can't. That was the biggest crowd of alcoholic people I've ever seen. Even Harry's mom got drunk at some point.

I remember Perrie made a toast for us. She even tried to sing a special song for us but she ended up messing all the lyrics making up a new whole song. Niall tried his best to cover one of One Direction's song with Zayn, Liam and Louis. It was.. acceptable. No cap. They were on that little stage we added at the very last minute and sang Perfect for us — which now I don't think was the greatest choice of all — holding their drinks in one hand and the mics in the other.

It was fun. The best night of my life. I even got to the stage, grabbed a mic and started my own little gig. It was two in the morning I believe. "Harry hold my drink. I said hold my drink not drink my fucking drink", and I started singing some random latin song from my clubbing playlist on Apple Music. I was making up every single word and they didn't even notice.

Now I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, my laptop's on my lap while typing this whole post, waiting for Harry to get out that freaking bathroom and finally leave the hotel. It's our last night of our unforgettable honeymoon and he doesn't know our lives are going to change forever.

P.S: I'm sorry to announce I'm leaving Twitter for good. It's the end of an era. Whoever I'll be forever grateful to Twitter for bringing Harry & I together.

P.P.S: If you see me bitching on Instagram, mind your business x

— Gloria.