𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓 || 13 reasons why

S1 ; Ch1 | "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE"

y/n's pov

i looked at myself in the mirror before heading out to school. my hair was messy, and the bags underneath my eyes seem to get bigger each day. i wore some jeans, one of jeff's old shirts, and a sweater. my clothes were depressing. no, i looked depressing.

i sigh, and grab my backpack and skateboard to go to school. my parents were already at the store, so i'm alone right now.

now, i won't bore you to death. my sister's life is pretty depressing and plain.

she's already listened to almost all of the tapes, but the last four.

she's on tape ten.

she hasn't listened to it yet, so i'm pretty sure she's gonna be furious when she does listen to it...

that tape is the cause of her boyfriend's death.

let's hope this goes okay..

once i finally made it to school, i went over to my locker, which was right next to hannah's. i sigh and open it, placing my skateboard in there. i look over to my locker door, which had dozens of pictures of me and jeff, me and hannah, and my family. i need to take these down sometime..

———————

school was finally over, and i hurried out of there so i wouldn't have to be social. but unfortunately, i hear my name being called out as i was about to set my skateboard down.

"y/n!"

i look over to where the voice came from, and it was none other than zach dempsey. i smile slightly, not wanting to be rude, and walked over to his car.

   "hey, zach," i say and he frowns a bit.

   "i just wanted to check up on you. how are you feeling?" he asked, and i rolled my eyes internally. why would you ask someone if they're okay after their sister and boyfriend died? the hell.

   i sighed, feeling kinda bad because he's just trying to look out for me. "not too hot." i reply with a fake laugh. he frowns and motions to his car with his head for me to get in.

"c'mon. i'll drive you home." he says and i shake my head.

"no, it's okay. really." i reply and he shakes his head. i look at him and he looks back at me and we stay there for a few seconds. i sigh, "fine."

he smiles slightly and i walk over to the passenger side and get in the car. he gets in himself and starts the car.

he puts the car in gear and drives to the road. he turns onto the road and while still looking at the road, he speaks to me. "have you listened to tape ten yet?" he asked and i mumbled a quiet 'no'. he stops at a red light and turns to me, "wanna listen to it?"

   i let out a shaky sigh, "i guess so. what's this one about anyway?" i look at him and he tenses up.

   "i-uh.. you'll see.." he says and i cock my eyebrow.

———————

   we pull up to a nice secluded area, and i sigh. "alright. let's do this i guess," i say and take out tony's walkman that i borrowed. i plugged in my earbuds and stuck them into my ears, then i press play..

sometimes, things just happen to you. they just happen. you can't help it. but it's what you do next that counts, not what happens but what you decide to do about it.

i've made some very bad decisions in my life. as you know, i told you there was more stories to tell about the night at jessica's party. so here it goes...

   as i listened to my sister speaking, i remembered that awful day so vividly. the worst day of my fucking life..

i wanted to leave, but where would i go? how would i get there? i was too weak to walk or too weak to try..

and then an unlikely hero came my way. now i wonder if we would have both been better off staying at the party. sheri this one is for you.

i needed to find a working phone. i wish i had found out faster. so yeah, that's the terrible decision. but it's not the whole story.

i just needed to be alone. this was starting to be more than i could live with.

the worst part about it all, is that the one person who has been affected the most is my own twin sister. y/n baker. she was jeff's girlfriend..

   i stared at the walkman in shock, tears starting to cloud my vision. this whole time, i didn't know anything about jeff's death, other than he was in a car accident.. but now, i know that the reason was none other than sheri fucking holland.

i walked by their house three times a week after Jeff died. i even got their phone number and called and didn't leave a message.

   i didn't know she did that..

i wanted to tell them; i couldn't. i know it was guilt i was feeling, and anger i think lots of anger, anger at the whole world and the way it works, but mostly anger at myself. for what i could've had and never would.

so that's terrible decision number two. that's up next. that's another sad, stupid story. there's so much wrong in the world, there's so much hurt. i couldn't take knowing i made it worse and i couldn't take knowing it would never get any better.

   i take out my earbuds and set them on my lap. i stare at the walkman, not wanting to believe what i was hearing is true. after what felt like a couple minutes of staring, i let out a quiet sob. those sobs got louder and quicker as i set the walkman aside and bring my knees up to my chest.

   i feel zach's hand on my back as he starts rubbing it. i look over to him with my tear stained cheeks and he cups it with his free hand. i lean into his hand and place mine over his wrist.

"it's alright. i got you," zach cooed and i let out a small whimper.

"please don't leave me.." i mumble quietly, barely loud enough to hear me. "you're the only one i have left."

he lightly chuckles, "i'm not going anywhere."

———————
heyo! clay's tape (tape 11) is going to actually be your tape btw.

don't worry, clay still has a tape. it's just gonna be tape 12 instead! so there will be 14 (not including bryce's confession tape) tapes in all.

just wanted to say that lol. anyway, i love you, stay safe, and tpwk <33