Me and My Husband

3 A.M. Silence

Three a.m. the same that even the most of sane people have their mental breakdowns, the same was for Kageyama. The youngest of Karasuno was nothing as everyone assumed he was irrational, irritable, and angry, well he was angry but he was angry for a reason.

Kageyama sighed as he stood and stared at himself in the mirror, the same way he did when no one was around in the early morning hours. He just stared at himself, they say that the longer someone stares at themselves in the mirror the more monstrous they became. But this was not the way Kageyama stared, not in the way conceited people stare at themselves and look at all their perfections, but in the way that someone stares at themselves when all they want to do is get better, when all they can do is see the flaws of themselves peak through the cracks, when all the saw the moment, they looked in the mirror was a monster and nothing else.

Kageyama felt himself slowly slipping away from his grip on reality making it harder for him to focus on volleyball and his sister the only two things that matter to him. The only thing that was holding him together was Hinata, oh how Kageyama loved Hinata, Hinata was the only person in the whole entire world who cared for Kageyama or at least that was how it felt towards Kageyama.

Using both of his hands he began to pull at his checks violently pulling them back to see a smile, wincing at the pain, but ignoring it to see himself smile, it felt as though this was the only way for his to smile these days. A forced smile caused by hidden pain.

As the tears began to roll down his cheeks as they normally did in the early morning hours, it felt good to Kageyama a vast coolness that felt better against the pain that he had caused against his checks, it was as if his tear were the soother to his own pain a gentle release that cascaded down his face. It was the only way that Kageyama could feel release he did not want Hinata to know about it he got really angry when Kageyama cried. He always yelled about how it was disrespectful from the care that he placed onto Kageyama after all Hinata was the only one who cared about Kageyama. It was days like these that he craved an end to it all when the voice in his head was too loud and he wanted was silence.

Trying to keep up the smile and the illusion of being ok, Kageyama grabbed the lipstick that sat on the counter and used it to draw a smile on his face, where a real one should be, in hopes of being happy. Kageyama stared at himself and realized he looked insane as he croaked out a laugh through his tears his smile mirroring that of someone like the joker or a patient in a mental hospital.

Kageyama laughed and laughed until the tears became too much at which the tears turned into silence. It was so quite that no one would know that someone was awake, let alone in the house. Quietly Kageyama turned on the sink and began to be away the lipstick, that smeared a once true smile onto the young boys face. Kageyama walked into his room and went to sleep as if none of it had ever happened, as if the silence that had followed within that moment was not echoing. This was the only way he could fall asleep now only at the point of exhaustion would his brain shut down, shut down to the point that it was dreamless, after he cried himself to sleep.

Kageyama woke with a sight as his alarm went off, it was 4:30 am. It was not enough sleep and he knew it but it was the only way for him to take care and provide for himself and for Hinata. Kageyama pushed himself out of bed and turned off his alarm, as he headed towards the kitchen to make breakfast for Hinata, Kageyama was only allowed to eat on the weekends, as Hinata controlled everything and he wanted to make sure that he had a perfectly healthy and skinny boyfriend that could match the appearance that he wanted for himself.

Hinata had not stopped by yet and it was only a matter of time before he did, it was always the same every morning and if what Hinata wanted wasn't done, he would get punishment. It is all out of love Hinata would say, after all it was what his parents taught, he knew nothing else, but as long as Hinata was around Kageyama was loved, it was a simple mantra that he would repeat to himself every minute, moment and second of the day.

The sound of a door opening pulled Kageyama out of his thoughts. "Good morning." The younger boy called out softly, as Hinata came in and sat down briefly glancing at his boyfriend before snapping his fingers at him. It was the same every morning to be ready and have breakfast provided. The snap always had some significance to it. This morning Hinata wanted his breakfast served and Kageyama's phone, part of the way Hinata kept control over Kageyama was through the control over what as on his phone who he talked to and communication.

Demanding the same as every morning to search it and to see what's on it. Hinata would say the same thing every morning to as he, pulled Kageyama along on the sidewalk as the boy walked with his head down sadly beside him.

"This is for you, this is for us, I will keep you happy and safe, no one else will love you the way I do, I protect you from everyone and yourself, so you wont turn into the king again, I will be here to stop it, I am sorry I could not prevent it last time but I will surely prevent it this time." Hinata's words sharp as knives as it carved deeper and leaving a deeper mark and harder scar insuring that the was the only one who could save Kageyama from the damage that had been caused. After seeing how effected Kageyama was after middle school he knew that he could control Kageyama and shape him into what he wanted.

Kageyama's face did not show a single reaction to any of the hurtful things that were said he was already used to the comments that Hinata would make towards him all of the time. But the speech was something pounded into his head every single day. Although Kageyama would never have the courage to say it to Hinata's face a small very deep-down part of him knew that it was his fault that he became the king of the court after his grandfather died and his parents and the only person left in his life was his older sister Miwa but she was off studying abroad. It was his own doing none one else but his won but Kageyama listened to Hinata's words in regards to how he needed to be alone, isolated, he was needed to better himself.

Hinata told him while he was grieving the lost of his parents that the only way to make his parents proud and his grandfather proud and in his words, "not be the same screw up he always was." A bit scary how he sounded so much like his parents, the first time he said that, in the same way that they did with the fist up in the air and to his dismay, the force of the swing. It was all eerily similar to what was shown to him as a child he knew that was how people show their love. Kageyama repeated it over and over as a manta to show make sure he always knew that was how people showed their love.

Hinata told him that he needed to focus, he was not allowed to speak to anyone but him, it was a new rule that Hinata had come up with recently after a match that they had with Sejioh and he had managed to talk to Oikawa and Kindachi and the rest of the Kitagawa students and apologize for his behavior explained that he was going through several lost, though he never once exposed what his parents did to him and everything that Hinata did and told him sense they started dating. Once his bad communication skills were thrown into the mix it all of a sudden made sense why and how he became the king of the court, everyone understood and took his apology. Although one thing Kageyama wouldn't find out until much later was that Hinata was also behind him becoming isolated at the king incident back in middle school. His manipulations ran far and wide.

"ayama... Kageyama?" are you even listening to me aware of his surroundings once more he found that he was at school, it made sense considering that Hinata always hit him when they were in private and he figured that Kageyama was not listening lost in his own mind. With a second more moment of scilence they arrived to the gym.

"Welcome back to the gym... love birds, we get it you are cute and happy but it is now time to get to practice.