Crushed

12

"Hay-Hayden" the sound of her struggling voice drifts in my ears as I roll over. I feel something jab me in the ribs and I open my eyes. I see a disheveled looking Sophie hovering over me from my bed with her foot on my chest shoving me.

I groan under my breath throwing my head backwards "fuck...Sophie it's still dark outside, go to sleep" I grumble as I feel her foot push against me again. "No....i-i can't breathe" she stammers as I hear her lungs struggling to get air. I shoot up into a sitting position while my eyes dart towards her.

She has tears running down her flushed cheeks while her hand rests on her rapid moving chest. I scramble up off the floor looking around for her hoodie. I remember seeing her put her inhaler in her pocket at the party. My eyes bounce around the room looking for any evidence of her black hoodie anywhere.

"I-i need my in-" she starts but can't finish what she is saying. Then It hits me. I run around the bed almost stepping on theo's head while trying to get to my bed side table. I jerk the drawer open and fumble with all the junk when my hand lands on the hard plastic, relief floods through me.

I run back around to Sophie seeing the panic on her face. I tread my fingers through her hair on the back of her head as I place the mouth peice of the inhaler in her parted lips. I pump the inhaler twice feeling her whole body slump into mine. I hear her sniffles and feel her tears wetting my shirt. Her breathing is still irregular but not dangerously irregular.

A sob escapes her mouth as her small shoulders shake. I run my hand through her hair trying to get it unstuck from her wet cheeks. I place one hand on each side of her face pulling her head back to look at me "please don't cry! I hate it when you cry!" I wisper as tears leak from her brown eyes. We are so close I can see the little golden flecks in them.

Her bottom lip trembles as I rub my thumb over her warm cheek wiping away the falling tears. She closes her eyes and leans into my palm as her breathing slows. Curiosity is running through me because she never has asthma attacks unless they are triggered. I wonder what caused it. "I'm....I'm sorry" she stutters while pulling away from my hand,wiping the tears away.

I furrow my eyebrows at her apology. "What are you apologizing for?" I ask while she plays with her fingers in her lap. When the question leaves my lips she stands off the bed groaning a tiny bit while rocking on her heels. She puts her hand on her head as she slowly makes her way towards my door.

"Wait, you didn't answer me" I sigh as she stops and turns to look at me. Her top half sways as her eyes look heavy. "No, no you have to stop doing that" she says as she points at me. "You have to go back to treating me like shit and not giving a flying fuck what I do or what goes on in my life,Ok?" Her words stabbing at what is left of my heart.

I try to tell her that I care about her and always have but the words get stuck in my throat. She turns and exits my bedroom door leaving me sitting on the edge of my empty bed holding the extra inhaler in my hand. While Theo is snoring on the floor.

The anger at myself for treating her the way I did over the past year, anger at whoever the hell drugged her and the anger at her for pushing me away building in my chest.

I open my eyes to stare at the blank white ceiling of Olivia's room. I feel my whole body ache and my mind swirling with thoughts. I cannot for the life of me remember what happened after I was watching the stars with theo. I feel numb like every peice of me is paralyzed.

Every emotion I expected myself to feel when I woke up is nowhere to be found. I can't do anything but blink at the ceiling while Oliva sits at my side staring at me. I can see her mouth moving but I can't hear anything she is saying. I throw my legs over the side of her bed while making my way towards her bathroom. I turn the water on as hot as possible stripping my clothes and getting under the steaming water.

I use a wash cloth scrubbing every inch of my body until it's raw, red and burning. I step out into the cold air turning the water off. I wrap my towel around my body exiting the bathroom to be faced with Hayden and Theo standing in front of a very confused and sad looking Olivia.

I look between the three and walk towards the closet on the other side of them. "Are you ok? Were you even going to tell me? Who was it?" Olivia bombards me with questions. I grab clothes and walk around them without making eye contact back into the bathroom to get dressed.

I stand infront if the bathroom mirror fully dressed trying to wrack my brain for what happend after i fell asleep beside theo. I walk out of the bathroom to see Olivia sitting on the side of her bed holding my backpack and her's. "Do you need a ride to school?" I ask taking the bag out of her hand. She smiles up at me sympathy written all over her face. "If that's ok, I will be down in a minute" says as she nods her head. I walk acrossed the hallway pulling my hand back and beating continuously on Hayden's door. 

He pulls the door open anger on his face until he sees it's me. His glare softens and his shoulders slump. "I had your clothes on this morning when I woke up. So....I'm assuming my shoes are here unless I lost them somewhere witch I really hope I didn't because they were really expensive" I say while not changing my emotionless expression. I can't my mind won't let me.

His eyebrows furrow and he tenses at my words. "You..you don't..don't remember last night?" He stutters fiddling with his metal door knob. My face stays the same as I stare into his nervous eyes. "If your worried your going to have to remind me what happend last night I assure you you don't...but I can't seem to remember what happend after I fell asleep on the side walk which doesn't really matter to me but I would like my shoes back" I say in a monotone voice with the same expression as I have had on my face since I woke up.

He nods his head and turns towards his room returning back with my air forces. His eyes glance down to my neck and I send him a glare turning the other way and heading to my car to wait on Olivia.