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Chapter 5

I can feel myself fading in and out of reality. It's getting harder to distinguish past from present, my mind is rushing with memories. Every new thought is threatening to overwhelm me, the warm blood escaping my body's the only thing that seems clear in the haze of recollections that haut my mind.

Blood. it flows with in each of us, supplying our organs with oxygen. It's the river of life with in our body. But I broke the threshold and now it spills out, like it did ten years ago- on her.

The men had seen us. Their cruel smiles were taunting our every reaction. momentarily they stopped, and an unusual silence fell upon the room. I can remember the coldness settling into my bond. The silence had caused the hair on my arms to prick up. The three monsters were scanning us, debating their next move. they were still, until they weren't.

A hand had enclosed my wrist, leaving a bruise that would be there for the weeks to come. Another hand snaked itself around my body stopping at my mouth, gagging me. I remember the panic on my mother's face as she saw her two daughters be restrained. "well, well, well" the leader had said. the meanest one. The one with who the other two copied.

"what to do with you two? hmmm.. your daddy has spoken about you. you must be the twins" he said, softly. stepping away from my mother and pulling his trousers up. "Joe?" he said pointing at me. "Jenna? "he pointed at Joe.am I right? "I used to see you as babies before your daddy dearest wronged me" he asked. I had shaken my head. 'ohh, I was never good at telling you apart." he leaned forward. I can remember his cigarette breath and the feeling of his rough , harsh hand as he stroked my face and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I had whimpered, pulling back, attempting to bite down on the hand covering my mouth. "feisty one aren't you?"

"leave them alone" my mother called. struggling to get up from the humiliating position she had been left in on the floor.

Her hands, encased in rope weighed her down. So that it took far too long for her to reach a sitting position. Then, when she finally reached a position that resembled dignity, the leader stalked away from Joe and I slowly, reached out a leg. Then kicked her down.

A kick, that caused her head to slam into the tile floor. Blood had leaked out from her skull. The patterns flowing into the cracks of the tile.

I can almost picture the pattern now. Dark and beautiful. Thick liquid, flowing out of a wound, seeping onto the white, staining it with its bewitching flow. Stark dots, sliding into gaps of the floor accenting the previously dull and boring colours. Death has a habit of leaving a mark, whether it's beautiful or not depends on the eye of the beholder.

For me, at that time, I didn't take the time to notice the uncanny glamour of blood pooling at foot level. Instead, I bit down harder. Causing owner of the hand on my mouth to hiss slightly in pain. An action that caused the attention of his leader to drive his focus back to us.

"what to do with you?" he had muttered. The memory of his cigarette stained breathe causes my body to gag.

"let us go" Joe demanded. I was never sure how she managed to get the hands holding her to release but she had ran out, grabbing a knife from the floor. It was larger than her hands, and sprinkled with blood. She had waved it wildly in front of her.

To anyone else the eight year old standing barefoot and tear stained holding a knife next to their dying mother would cause sympathy. But the man wasn't anyone else. The only thing that stirred inside of him was the thought that fills my nightmares. He had blinked slowly, and when his eyes opened as sinister grin appeared on his face. A grin that haunts my soul.

In that blink, his eyes transformed. No longer a pathway to his soul. But a mere utensil of sight. No matter how long I strain my memories, I can never see past the wall of his corneas. It was the blink that turned me into a murderer.

I'm still a murderer now. Though I haven't killed anyone since that day. Only myself I guess. Or I'm trying to. Big Ben dances into my vision again, the seconds hand has barely moved. But not it marks my one minute. This time thing is messing with my mind. The day has flashed by, blurring and fogging my head until now. Stopping and dancing in front of me, taunting me with its cruel existence. The last time it had gone this slow, was after I did what I did all those years ago.

When sirens had attacked my ears, ricocheting through my body. Blinding my eyes. I had told Harry of that day, he's the only one who actually listened for the sake of listening. With no ulterior motive. Well I thought that at the time.

When we laid down the picnic blankets, his hair floating in the wind. His chest coated in his band t-shirt, and eyes trained directly on mine. The sun lolling lazily in the sky.

"tell me everything" He had said, taking a position on his back, with a single arm behind his head staring up into the sky.

"everything?" I questioned. Following him down onto the blanket, tucking my head down into in chest and looking up at the clouds.

"I want to know everything about you" he had replied simply, taking a strand of my hair and wrapping round his fingers.

"I don't think you do"

"I do"

I had looked up at him, prepared to give the answer I always gave: 'I'm not that interesting'. But I didn't. Maybe it was me opening up for the first time that soldered are connection. Or maybe it was because he didn't flinch when I said four words.

"I killed someone once"