𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗣𝗘 - 𝗦𝗲𝗯𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗻 [O.H.]

Chapter 4

Sebastian entered the building. The white walls gave him a headache. It was white all around and too much for him to take. He wasn't a big fan of bright colours but he also didn't like the same shade of white. He thought it was boring.

He grabbed a coffee along the way. He needed that. He didn't plan on it being a long day, but he thought that he should be in his full senses if he was going to meet her after a month. And he really needed a break after that 'thing' with Cassie.

Did he just refer to his break up as 'thing'? Whatever happened to the decision of 'letting Her go'. Even the thought of meeting Her made him brave. He chuckled at his realization. How did he think that he could ever let Her go, when She made him do things he never even thought of ?

Was he over Cassie already ? Of course not. But was he feeling better now ? That's an 'yes'.

He wondered if that made him a bad person. Probably.

But he never thought that he was perfect. If he was, why would he still be thinking about Rayne when he has had a perfectly happy life with Cassie.

He's not like this.

Rayne had made him like this.

At that, Sebastian realized that he was not ready to let Her go. What was he even thinking ?  How many times in the past has he decided the same thing, only to end up at this exact spot he's in right now...

If only he had the courage to express his feelings to Her.  He's been here loads of times. But not once, he'd built up the courage to talk to Her. And it's very unlike him. Never once had he been in this type of situation with any other person before. It's just Her.  She's special to him. She has saved him once, and that's when he started living. He couldn't let her go before, and he isn't going to do that now.

He remembered the day he saw Her with someone. It was exactly a year ago. Along the time, when he started dating Cassie. Maybe She had something to do with his relationship with Cassie. He probably never would've jumped into a relationship, if he hadn't seen Her with someone else. Not to mention, that he hadn't known Cassie for long.

It's not like he hasn't seen Rayne with someone else before. But this time seemed different. He thought that they would last. Because he had never seen Her that happy before.

He still went to see Her every month. Sometimes She was with someone, sometimes She wasn't. But for the past couple of months, She was alone, and he knew that She wasn't with anyone anymore. Something changed in Her. She was more closed now.

Sometimes, he'd wonder had he seen Her with someone, maybe he wouldn't have broken up with Cassie. But he didn't want to believe that. Because he did love Cassie. And if that were true, it would undermine their relationship. He didn't want to think of it like that. But he knew that it might be true.

He debated whether to go further or go back outside. It's not like he can simply barge in without an explanation. He needed a good cover. Usually he waits in a bookstore opposite to the building. The fact that it was white, was also a reason he avoided entering. It was 'too white' for him. But today, he wanted to do things a bit differently, since he thought it would be the last time.

He was dressed in a comfortable T-shirt with a worn out jeans. He didn't want to stand out. It was too hot for him to wear a jacket. He had a cap that hid part of his face, and he considered that his disguise.

With all the commotion in his head, he forgot about the coffee, which had gone cold. He tried drinking it, but decided not to. Now, he was standing near the door, having entered it almost fifteen minutes ago.

His watch showed 8 AM. He searched for Her. She usually turns up at 8. He decided that he'll be better off if he followed his usual course, watching over from the bookshop. So, in a swift motion, he turned his heel backward and walked outside.

He was standing in the pavement. On the front of the hospital.

He reached into his pocket and picked up a cigarette. He hasn't smoked in almost 2 years, but today felt like a day where he needed a smoke. He remembered the times when he used to show up for audition, have a cigarette and saved it's stub until he heard back from them. It was like a ritual for him, now he had moved past that. But today, he was extremely nervous and had to ease his nerves.

As he was about to light it up, he heard, "Sir, I'd strongly advise against smoking here."

"It's not even lit yet," he absent mindedly replied.

But the voice was familiar. Too familiar.

And then it hit him. He thought about running away and not turning back.

He somehow pulled himself together and turned to face the owner of the voice. Rayne. While his legs were stuck, the coffee in his hand did not. And he helplessly watched it spill everywhere, "Oh, shit!"

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AN

This chapter  is meant to show that Sebastian is an overthinker when it comes to Her. I just wanted you all to get to know his feelings better.

I'm sorry if it was too boring.

Thank you for reading and have a good day !

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