Ghost Of You {CASHTON}

Miss you...

I cleaned in our former apartment.

Sometimes I started dancing the way we danced at our wedding.

I held your photo and danced on to our former bedroom.

Tears streamed uncontrollably across my cheeks, but I didn't notice them and kept smiling.

I put the photo on the locker and lit a candle.

"It's weird to look at you and know that alreadyYou're not here… ”I whispered with a smile and wiped the tears from the sleeve of my green hoodie.

"I miss you so much love..." I say this time with a groan and took the photo again. I pressed it to my chest and sat down on our bed. I sat and looked around, everything was in the same place as a month ago. "I don't really understand why... What I did to someone. " I say to an empty apartment even though I know it will i  will never know. "Ashton why. Why you ... ” I cry and stare at the door where no one is, I don't know why, but something makes me look at the place.
The tears do not subside, on the contrary, there is a flow of mine tears stronger than ten minutes ago. I repeat the sentence over and over and lie down on my back, I'll take his pillow and I cry into him. At one point I feel that the bed next to me bends slightly and I feel a cold on my face. I'm a little frightened, but after a second I feel Ashton's presence. My heart starts beating like a race. I say "love" in a hoarse and crying voice. I feel cold all over my body as if mehugged. "I know you won't answer me but I want to-I want to know why… .. Everything is so unfair ..."  I sob hysterically. It was as if he was stroking my cheek and giving me a light kiss on the forehead. "Ashie". I'm sorry that you will no longer be there… that you will not see… How he grows up… nor will you ever keep him in your arms… "I say and stab me in the heart. I felt a cold on my belly and a strong surge of grief. "Yes, I'm pregnant . With you. Second month…. I wanted to tell you the day the incident happened… " I cry while lying on my side and my legs are close to my chin. I feel a lot of sadness. Not my, this sadness  is Ashton's. " Zeppelin shirt." I hear an almost inaudible sentence more and more tears came out of my eyes because that's what Ashton said.

I know it.

His beautiful voice.

His laughter that sounds in my ears.

Those beautiful mossy eyes.

I miss everything….

"God, I miss your voice so much." I sob. "You mean the shirt you stole from me all the time?" I laugh, wipe my tears, and walk to the closet. I pull out my Led Zeppelin shirt and turn into  bed. I feel cold in my hands and take it as an instruction to disassemble the shirt.
A piece of paper falls out of the sheet music. "Did you really write it on a sheet of music?"
I laugh and blow my nose. I feel like I heard Ashton laugh. I take a piece of paper that is folded into a rectangle. "Why did you put it together like this?" I whisper. I unfold the paper and notice the notes and text.

I sit down at the piano and start playing. Sometimes I get stuck and Ashton's soul helps me.

Here I am waking up…
Still can't sleep on your side…
There's your coffee cup
The lipstick stain fades with time…

"Hey, I don't wear lipstick!" I'll laugh

If I can dream long enough
You'd tell me I'd be just fine …
I'll be just fine…

"I will never be fine again" I whisper and tear a few tears.

So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you

I sing a piece and start crying when I read the next paragraph.

Cleaning up today
Found that old Zepplin shirt
You wore when you ran away
And no one could feel your hurt
We're too young, too dumb
To know things like love
But I know better now

,,I really miss you…"

So I drown it out… like I always do…
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you …
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you …

,,I love you…"
Too young ... too dumb ..
To know things like love….
Too young, too dumb

So I drown it out ... like I always do ..
Dancing through our house…
With the ghost of you ..
And I chase it down
With a shot of truth….

That my feet don't dance
Like they did with you…

I put my head on the piano and let my emotions tear me to pieces…..