𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄

𝟏. 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲.

My fingers curl against my frozen palms, but I can barely feel it. My mind is elsewhere as we walk the snowy, beaten paths that crisscross through the school grounds. Ron and Hermione are on either side of me. They talk, but I don't listen. I stopped listening to them a long time ago. Long before we left Hogsmeade. Long before we even arrived there by carriage that morning.

Bitterly, I think of my life — of how at eleven years old, I ignorantly begged the sorting hat to condemn me to Gryffindor, despite knowing I was fit for other places. For other people. And oh how the irony reared its ugly head now because everything I could ever want had been sorted into Slytherin.

"Harry, are you even listening?" Hermione snapped, waving a hand in front of my eyes. They were both looking at me now, expecting me to say something back. I blink and nod, even though I hadn't been. A steady wisp of steam escapes my mouth. My thin grey hoodie isn't nearly enough to protect me from the biting cold.

Hermione scoffed and we both know that I was lying to her. I tried to feel bad for ignoring them for what must've been hours. But I couldn't. It was impossible to think of anything else but you.

As if on cue, I hear a laugh further down the trail. My head snaps up instantly and my breath hitches. Your laugh sounds like wind chimes, musical and effortlessly elegant. The sound twinkled in my ears and made my chest tighten before I even saw you.

All three of us stopped to watch you approach. You were walking with Pansy Parkinson, your arms linked as you staggered through your fit of giggles. I hadn't seen you at Hogsmeade earlier today, but then again you never went to Hogsmeade.

Your parents were strict. If the rumors were true, they were even more so than Vernon and Petunia. From what I've heard from the hordes of Slytherin girls that cackled as they passed me in the halls, it was a miracle that they let you attend Hogwarts at all. 

Every day I thanked Merlin for that miracle.

Pansy spotted me first. She glanced up and narrowed her eyes in my direction. I didn't hesitate before doing the same right back. I never liked Pansy. The two of you met in first year and have been borderline inseparable since. I've always been jealous of her and of how close she was to you. Not that I would ever admit that out loud.

It should be me helping you study long into the night in the Slytherin common room. It should be my shoulder that you dozed off against during breakfast the next day. Not Pansy's. Not ever.

And don't get me started on your other two unofficial bodyguards — Malfoy and Zabini.

I felt my scowl melt away the split second you looked up to meet my gaze. Your eyes widened with the realization that you weren't entirely alone on the icy path. They glittered with the reflection of freshly fallen snow and I licked my lips as I studied you; a vision against a stormy white canvas.

"Harry," you greeted cheerfully, skipping forward to meet me halfway down the path. "I thought you were still in town!"

I opened my mouth and closed it—the words dying in my throat. You were all rosy cheeks, puffy white earmuffs, and handknit scarves. Pansy was wearing one too—pink. So pink that it hurt my eyes to look at it directly.

You made scarves for all of your friends. Malfoy had one, I was sure of it. Though he never deflated his ego enough to wear it in public. I would have killed to own something that you made especially for me. The pride from that alone would be enough to assure me that I belonged in Gryffindor.

My glasses fogged, obstructing my view of your smile. I cursed myself for being so awestruck by your presence. You idiot. Say something.

"I-err-"

"We just left, actually," Ron supplied, patting my back and shooting a warm smile down at you. "Came back early for lunch."

"Oh!" You exclaimed, eyes lighting up at the mention. "Did you happen to stop by Honeydukes? I hear they've gotten more Peppermint Toads. Those are my favorites."

I swallowed, my fingers twitching at my sides. Another note.

I keep notes, you see. Every detail you unknowingly shared about your life. Every time you looked my way or said my name. I cataloged it all in a rough leather journal that I kept snug between my mattress and bedframe. I couldn't afford any of my roommates stumbling upon it. Not even Ron knew of its existence.

By the way; thank you, Ron. Thank you so much.

I zoned out while he talked to you. No, they've actually just sold out of Peppermint Toads. Yes, butterbeer is just as amazing as you've imagined. No, they didn't see any reindeer on their way in.

God, you were unbelievably adorable.

Pansy stood a few feet behind you the entire time, blinking wearily between her friend and the group of Gryffindors who had interrupted their walk.

"Oh, Harry you must be freezing!"

Hearing my name pulled me out from deep within my thoughts. I looked to see that you were pointing down at hands. My skin was pale, knuckles and fingertips bruised pink. I opened my mouth. You shouldn't have to worry over me. Not ever. Although the thought of you caring was enough to make the tips of my ears flush red.

"I'm fine, really—" I started to say, but you had already taken my hands into yours. Given, they were much warmer than mine already. But they'd stopped aching a few minutes into our walk, melting into a comfortable numbness that was much more bearable. You cupped them in your palms, pulling them up to your face to breathe hot air onto them.

A shiver ran down my back that had nothing to do with the cold.

You took the longer end of your wool scarf and wrapped it loosely around my knuckles. I let you. What else was I supposed to do? And after a moment, you looked up at me with a hopeful smile. "Better?"

Indefinitely.

I could only nod, too busy gnawing on the inside of my cheek to prevent an onslaught of unnecessary praise. Don't be weird, Harry.

"(Y/N), let's go. I want to make it back to the common room before dark," Pansy whined, sweeping an arm underneath your elbow and dragging you further down the path away from me. You were still beaming when I turned to watch you go.

"Bye Harry! Bye Ron! Bye Hermione!"

I lifted my hand to the level of my eyes in a still wave. Watching you go came with an ache. A good ache. An ache that promised I would see you again. Maybe in class but hopefully before.

Your warmth was slowly evaporating off of my skin, like snowmelt pooling on my tongue.

Even after you were a few minutes gone, I could see Parkinson shooting me occasional dirty looks over her shoulder and behind your back. She was getting suspicious of me, I could feel it. Either that or she never cozied up to the idea of me in the first place.

If you were a lamb (and trust me, you were), then Parkinson, Malfoy, and Zabini were your shepherds. They kept you in line when you tended to wander too close to the fence.

I was the wolf, coaxing you out of the comforts of your pasture.

Toward the dark forest.

Toward the darkness that filled me nearly to the brim.

Toward the slaughter.

(A/N: YALL??? IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FINALLY PUBLISH THIS. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK<33).