ONE SHOTS - AN UPSTEAD COLLECTION

WHISPER IN THE THUNDER

THIS ONE-SHOT IS INSPIRED BY A LINE IN THE DAN AND SHAY SONG 'MY SIDE OF THE FENCE' "YOU'RE THE WHISPER I HEAR IN THE THUNDER". I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH PTSD SO APOLOGIES IF ANY OF THIS IS NOT 100% ACCURATE.

Jay Halstead has many triggers for his panic attacks that followed him home from the war.

FIREWORKS remind him of the noise of continuous explosions that he used to hear all too often.

PANICKED RAISED VOICES remind him of shouting to his fellow comrades when they were under fire.

The hardest one that Jay has overcame is one that only the closest to him, including his brother and the Intelligence unit, know he has battled. It is one that would surprise most people given the amount of dangerous situations Jay runs into on a daily basis. RAPID GUNFIRE, triggers something in the army vet that immediately takes him straight back to his time overseas. Frankly, its a miracle the department shrink lets him be in the field.

Jay has tried tirelessly for the last few years to get all these triggers under control. From dealing with the traumatic events at the root of them, to simply learning and practising techniques that he can use to calm himself down if he is in one of these situations.

There is one trigger, however, that no one, not even the older Halstead knows about. Well, that is until one hot stormy night in the middle of the Chicago summer.

It was in the early hours of a Sunday morning in the middle of august. Typically for the time of year, the humidity was unbearable and it was a miracle if you were able to sleep for more than 4 hours every night.

One couple were never going to let a small thing like a 90-degree heatwave stop them from celebrating their six-month anniversary. Neither Hailey nor Jay had ever been big on making a big deal of small milestones like that. All that changed when they finally took the leap from best friends to lovers, now every excuse to celebrate their relationship is a blessing for these two elite detectives.

It is now nearing 3 am, and both Jay and Hailey lay sound asleep, wrapped up in each other with a thin blanket covering them. The pair are so intertwined that it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins.

That is until, the long-awaited thunderstorm, that everyone but Jay has been praying for, causes Jay to shudder awake. Initially, he tries to calm himself down so as not to alert the sleeping blonde beauty that lay in his arms.

After several minutes, it's obvious that his attempts are futile as Hailey stirs slightly sensing the change in Jay's sleeping form. Rolling over slowly in her boyfriend's arms Hailey is shocked to see him in a state she has never seen before.

Jay is hunched over, visibly shaking with his head in his hands. The dim light pouring in through the window alerts Hailey to the tears that are streaming down her boyfriend's tired features. Also noticing his rapid breathing, Hailey is fully awake in an instant now fully aware that the man who lay peacefully next to her just ten minutes ago is in the full throes of a panic attack.

Hailey has seen Jay have these several times in the four years that they have been partners, even a handful of times since the new development between them. Knowing she doesnt want to alert him and potentially make the situation worse, Hailey slowly slides out of bed and moves around to sit directly in front of him.

When calling his name several times doesnt have any effect on him, she slowly reaches out and takes his still shaking hands into hers knowing this helps ground him and pull him back.

The sudden contact has Jay immediately whipping his head up only to be greeted by the prettiest blue eyes he has ever seen. Recognising them as belonging to the love of his life, he feels himself calming down. The shaking dies down but he still can't seem to get his breathing under control.

Seeing the apparent frustration in his eyes, Hailey readjusts her position so she is sitting fully on the bed looking directly into his eyes that are currently a dark stormy shade of green. Waiting for nothing more than to take away all of his pain, she squeezes his hands, and softly repeating their own private mantra:

"I am here Jay, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I got you, youre going to be just fine. Take some deep breaths with me."

Hailey starts by breathing in for 4 beats, holding her breath for 7 and then breathing out for 6.

Then repeating the same comforting words and the breathing ritual until Jay does it with her. After doing these breathing exercises four or five times, she can see his shoulders relax and hear his breathing returning to a certain level of normal.

They sit in the same position, breathing slowly together, neither of them willing to let go of the hold their hands have on each other, for what seems like an eternity but is likely only 10 minutes max.

When Jay meets Hailey's eyes, she sees the stormy look in them from a few minutes ago gone. However, it's now replaced by a look that truly breaks her heart like nothing ever has before.

Removing her hands from his, she brings them up to gently cup his cheeks and using the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the stray tears that continue to fall from his eyes.

Jay- "I am so sorry babe."

Hailey- "Hey no you got nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?"

Jay- "Yes but you shouldn't have to see me like this."

Hailey reacts instantly climbing onto his lap and taking his face in her hands, looks into his eyes and softly says "I love you for who you are. I can handle the panic attacks, we will get through them all together, okay? I love you and I am not going anywhere."

He bows his head, so their foreheads are touching as a new set of tears roll down his cheeks. He whispers to her "It's the THUNDER. I never liked it before I went away but over there, the heat and the unsettled atmosphere means that thunderstorms are a regular occurrence. The only problem with that is the first rumble of thunder always sounded similar to an explosion. Everyone kicked into high gear no matter what time of night."

Hailey doesn't know what to do or say after that so they sit in silence for a few minutes. The beautiful moment is quickly interrupted by another low rumble of thunder that has Jay immediately frozen in place.

Hailey quickly jumps into action, pulling Jay close to her and gently kissing his cheek to attempt to calm the storm she senses brewing in her boyfriend's eyes. In between kisses, she using their closeness to her advantage and slowly whispers into his ear:

"I'm here baby, it's all going to be ok. I got you and I'm never letting go."

Slowly, shuffling them both back up towards the top of the mattress, Jay flips them over into the all too familiar position that they have taken to falling asleep in every night.

As he holds her close to his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeats slow to a much more normal pace matching the shallow breaths he can hear coming from Hailey as she drifts off to sleep, it hits him.

For the first time probably ever, he knows he can handle any thunderstorm, as long as she is there to hold him. After all, she is the whisper he hears in the thunder.