penis man

Revival

I awake groggily in a damp field. I feel a shiver of cold sweat trickle down my back. I try to remember what happened to me. I look around and realize I have awaken in a graveyard. A thick fog surrounds the tombstones that stand tall on the sloping hill, of which I am atop of.
     "You've been sleeping for quite a while," says a small, echoing voice that lies below me.
     "Where are you?" I ask in confusion of everything that has happened.
   "Do you remember?" speaks the small, reverberating voice.
    I then suddenly remember the events leading up to my death. The man with a penis for a head, the ice cream, the pickles, the pheromone spreading twinks, everything. It all floods into my brain from my memory like a tidal wave and almost knocks me over from my content little area next to a tombstone. I look over to read the name upon the tombstone.
     "Y/n y/l/n (an: Y/n = your name and Y/l/n = your last name)," I read aloud. I snap back to my current situation and answer the small voice.
   "P-penis man..." I speak at last.
   "So you do remember." It responds.           
   "Who are you?" I repeat.
   "I am your kidney child. Much like The Virgin Mary you didn't need to have sexual intercourse to conceive me. I am purely built out of your courage and persistence to survive and overcome Penis Man. The Almighty above must've heard you're suffering, as he sent me as a sense of revenge you may wish to seek out. The events of two years ago was the death of you, but your spirit will not rest until your business in this world is finished. That is why The Almighty has given you a body to use as your weapon in the war against Penis Man."
    Holy shit. It has been two years since I passed. And this small child... I now recall before my senses faded the bean and blood covered fetus that was ripped out of one of my kidneys. Built on pure courage? What was that supposed to mean? I had so many questions but I dare not ask. My brain was being flooded with the pure rage. How dare a man with a literal penis for a head dare take away my life!? I must get my revenge. I must.
   "So where are you, my kidney child?" I ask.
   "Look down."
   I look down near my feet, which are crossed as I am sitting down and leaning on my headstone. There I see a small fetus that barely resembles that of a newborn child. It's eyes are completely black and staring at me with such innocence I wouldn't think it would have such sinister and vengeful ulterior motives, let alone be able to speak fluent English.
   "And where are the whereabouts of Penis Man? I'm sure he wouldn't stay in an alleyway for the rest of his life now that he has killed his victim, of which he has been targeting for the past three years." I say.
   "He hasn't been in the alleyway for the past two years, you are right about that, but he has suspected that your bravery would be his downfall. He feared this very day would turn up and he has been preparing in a small brick cottage ever since. Devising a super weapon to destroy you once and for all to overcome the world and turn everyone into horny fucks." The fetus speaks softly.
   I get up and lift the small fetus off the ground. I don't know where I'm going, but I know who I'm going after. I want to save this world from the horrible fate they are doomed to if I don't stop Penis Man. I look around the vast graveyard and start making my way towards the gates. I look into the sky and realize the sun has just started to rise. I get past the gates and head south, towards town. Maybe there I can find supplies to beat Penis Man.
   "Where are you headed, y/n?" the baby asks, "You know you can't beat penis man with weapons such as guns and knives. Don't you? He's grown too powerful over the past two years to even flinch at the sight of you holding a knife."
   "I plan to go into town and buy new clothes, actually." I lied.
   As I head into town, I see various people glance my direction and whisper amongst themselves. Did I smell bad or something? I look at my reflection in one of the shop windows, and I realize I look exactly like I did when I was 20; when I died.
   "They are only whispering because your death made the headline in the newspaper "Person covered in ice cream, semen, blood, popsicle juice, pizza stains, beans, and feces found cut open and beaten to death in an alleyway" is what it read. They aren't aware of Penis Man or the other guy being the cause of death, so fear and rumors spread through town for quite a while, and seeing the face of whom they thought to have passed is quite shocking, though it will die down soon and if everything goes according to plan, you'll be seen as a hero," the baby spoke.
   After walking down the sidewalk for quite a while, I found a shop with a small purse-like bag in the window, that would be perfect to carry the kidney fetus in. I checked my pockets and found 10 dollars, just two bucks over what the bag costed. I went in and bought the bag and then stuck the fetus in it.
   "So where are we headed next? Do you have an idea of what you should do?" Asked the fetus.
   "I don't plan to go searching for Penis Man, I'll wait for him to find me," I respond.