What's The Point of Falling (Lumity, Human Au)

Chapter 6: Old Friends (Part 2)

Amity POV

Luz came in a few minutes later, a smile on her face.

I turned away from her as quickly as I could, clenching my jaw in an attempt to hide my emotions.

How could someone be so consistently happy?

Maybe she genuinely lived a happier life. She could be an unwavering optimist. Or, perhaps, her mask is just better than mine.

Whatever the reason, I envied her.

It wasn't that my life was terrible. I have moments of happiness all the time. But they never seem to last.

Car rides with the twins always end with me staring out the window quietly, even if, just a few minutes prior, I'd been singing with them at the top of my lungs with a grin on my face and my chest bursting with joy.

Every test and assignment handed back with a red A in the margin of the paper fills me with pride. But the pride never lasts, it's always replaced with the urgency of needing to prepare for whatever's next.

Boscha's almost always able to make me smile, but we both know the real reason why we're friends. It hangs in the air unspoken, haunting every conversation, making every interaction feel flimsy and insubstantial. Jokes often fall flat and our understanding of each other always remains shallow.

My smiles never linger, the occasional sparks of light in my eyes are always fleeting.

Part of me loathed this girl for how easy it seemed to come to her.

Another part of me just felt empty. My heart was always meant to be an empty cavity, decorated in gold stars and evening gowns.

The sooner I learned, the better off I'd be.

Though, knowing this never dulled the ache in my chest.

I glanced back and my heart dropped. She was no longer smiling, her face filled with concern.

Concern for me.

It was just like me to ruin someone's mood by simply existing.

Luz stepped towards me carefully, acting as if I were a wounded animal, like she might scare me away if she made any sudden movements.

She wasn't entirely wrong. The fact that she was approaching me at all scared the shit out of me. Why was she walking towards me? It seemed almost like she cared. Why was she looking at me like that?

The compassion in her eyes made my heart clench. How could someone care so much for a complete stranger? It was unnatural, this empathy.

I turned away again, not wanting her to see my face, not wanting her to see me.

I didn't deserve this kind of kindness. I didn't want it either.

She came to stand near my desk, keeping her distance. I felt myself tense all over when she spoke, her voice soft, filled with that God damned compassion again. "You okay Amity?"

I kept my head turned away. I didn't need this girl's pity. I didn't need her help. I didn't need her. I just needed some time. Some time to compose myself, then I can get back to being me.