Michael Cera is a big tough mafia boss who specifically deals with the illegal trade of baby diapers and creams made from real babies!! In this story Laquisha Bootahol is kidnapped by the all powerful after accidently hooking up with the son of the...
I backflipped out of bed like I do every single morning and submerged myself in the ice cold Alskan lake behind my 200 bed and 400 bath tiny home. "Wow, I love living off the grid!" Working in the illegal "for babies made from babies" industry puts a lot of stress on my life, in fact I would probaly kms if it weren't for my beautiful son, Vincent Julliard Bernard Cera. He is my precious honey suckle, I sleep with him everynight massaging his tiny toes with fat free mayo. My little Vinny is a 22 time winner of the "Children for Pedophiles" annual winter and summer beauty competion!! He is such a super star!! That is why I have enrollled him in the most seclusive and secure preschool in the world! It is located in Jabooti, Africa and I have to fly him 20 hours every day and night, but it's all worth it in my opinion.
Today was just a regular day, after finishing my morning orgy, I hopped in my jet with Vinny and we took off for Jabooti. 20 hours later we arrived. I gave Vinny a sloppy kiss french style and left him with head master Danny Devito. Then I flew back home in order to finish conducting business.
All day I missed my baby boy and couldn't wait to see him, but when I went to pick him up I heard the worst news possible. "YOUR SON HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!!"
"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG NONONONONONONONONONONONO HONEYSUCKLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.
"WHAT HAPPENED DANNY DEVITO, I THOUGHT CHRIS FARLEY THE BEVERLY HILLS NIJA WAS ON SECURITY!!!"
"Ummmm sir, Chris Farley overdosed like 20 years ago, I am the only one here"
"WHY WOULDN'T U TELL ME THEN?!?!"
"UMMMMMMM" Danny Devito then vanishes into thin air
"NOOOOOOOOOOO, FIRST MY LOLLIPOP AND NOW DANNY DOO"
But then all of a sudden I realised the one saftey precaution I took that might still work. When Vinny was a little boy I would lose him all the time. So since he loved to be a cat and shit on the floor and stuff like that, I made him a permanant furry anal plug that had a tracking device. It was a win win!!!
"YAyyy now I can track down my Vinny and kill the bastard that took him!!!
Whipping out my android my beautiful boy popped up in Utah, the morman capital of the world!
"Vincent Julliard Bernard Cera, daddy's coming for you!!!"
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