IN MY HEAD

CHAPTER NINE- BLACK SCAR

CHAPTER NINE
_BLACK SCAR_

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    I knocked at the gate four consecutive times before the security guard opened the gate to our house. I never really studied how our security guard looked because I'd never been so close to him. He was a tan skinned guy, not so tall neither was he short, I would describe him as someone who was average in height. The thought of guessing his age came to mind and I considered it willingly. I thought to place him in the age range of either being in his  late twenties or early thirties whatever though, I concluded on twenty eight for more precision.

"Good afternoon sir". I mumbled to the man and slipped in walking towards the house. 

"Wait" I heard him call out. I turned to face him and saw him retreating to his little house built close to the gate. Few minutes passed by and I stood there waiting, almost running out of patience.

"Your mother said I should give you this key. She's not at home at the moment". He told me and handed me the key to our house.

"Okay, thanks". I replied him and made my way to the house. It took me two unsuccessful attempts to figure out how to open the lock to the front door. I opened the door, stepped into the house and bolted the door. I made my way through the stairs to my room dragging my school bag along. I was exhausted.

   Atimes I wished the house where I lived with my parents could be called a home. A home I thought should be a place where I run unhesitatingly to find peace and solace, a place where I can relax as with a family and share pain and our laughter together. Growing up I never felt at home, I felt like I just co-habited  with my parents and with every passing day I was growing away from them. I wish I could tell them things about my life, but their constant arguments always put me off, my mom's constant nagging which seemed to have doubled since we arrived Nigeria could drive me nuts. I felt I was never happy.

   Well, today I was happy. Just why? First of all, I was home alone. No parents, no disturbance of any sort. That was the first time since I stepped into the country for about two months,  that I had my personal space. Second, my father hadn't been around for close to three weeks. Apparently Tasha and Temi weren't around to remind me about my flawed physique. You know, it's funny how things change within two months. I remember how I was very comfortable with my body stature and now I wish I was a bit plump.

I stood at the front of my dressing mirror in my room, removed my blazers slowly, carefully unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it to my bed. I unzipped my skirt and allowed it to fall down on the floor. I was only wearing my black tights and a white singlet, I looked at the mirror staring unbelievably at my body. I wished my breast were a bit bigger, I turned to my sides and wished I had larger hips. I looked at my arms and touched them wishing they were a bit plump unlike the sticks that they were. Tracing my fingers through my face, I touched my lips hoping they would be a bit plump and fuller maybe a bit more coloured. I felt the unrestricted tears coming out of my eyes as I crumbled down to the floor and cried. Taking one last glance at the mirror, I turned around with my back, fully backing the mirror. I didn't want to dare look at myself again. I had an ugly body I concluded, my face and body wasn't as appealing as Tasha, Temi, Stephanie or Diamond. They were all very pretty. I wished God had being a bit considerate to me. I cried till I lost track of time and I found myself drifting to sleep.

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    The familiar sound of my phone ringtone woke me up from my sleep. I tried standing up from the position I was hours ago. My neck ached so bad, my legs felt wobbly as I stood up. My phone had already stopped ringing by the time I finished stretching, I was about to unlock the phone to check who called me, my screen lit up again and I found out it was my father calling.