What I Want~Maxine Baker

Part 4

Her fingers glide across my skin, her lips ghost my own. All I hear are our heavy breaths throughout the room. She looks deeper into my eyes before flickering them down to my lips. I can't help but do that also. She starts to lean in, her eyes closing delicately. I lick my lips, then lean in also. but before our lips meet she pulls away. I look at her with a frown, slightly embarrassed. Her eyes glint with mischief. She smiles widely and lets a small giggle leave her mouth. 

"Did you actually think I was going to kiss you?" she says smiling. I look down with embarrassment while shaking my head.

"You're so pathetic." She says. My lips start to quiver and my nose flares, trying to keep my emotions at bay.

All of a sudden she lets out a loud, exaggerated laugh.That was the breaking point for me. I let a tear slide down my face. when I look up she's no longer there. I look around confused. When I turn back, my mothers face stares back at my own with disgust. "You are unbelievable. were really going to kiss her" she says with her eyebrows raised. "No" I whisper, not meeting her gaze. my tears started to fall down my face more rapidly. Suddenly she leans in and whispers in my ear

"Fag"

I wake up with a two hands a hold of my face. I meet the eyes of a very concerned friend. Max stares back at me with curious eyes. "What were you dreaming about" She whispers, trying not to wake my mom. She had spent the night with me after the sleepover. I practically had to beg my mom with the promise that she would use the air mattress. I look over at the ground at the unused air mattress. It had been a struggle fore both of us to fit in my twin size bed. Through the night I must have flipped over because we were both now, laying down, our faces inches from each other. her warm hands were still on my face. 

"Nothing" I whisper back.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" She asked, sliding her hand down my cheek. Her hand sent shiver through my body. I would have been lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. My lips part to respond, but she pulls me into a hard hug. I really wanted to kiss her. But if my mom had walked in at that very moment- I didn't even want to think about that. I pull apart from her at that very thought. Now are faces very even closer. My stomach starts to knot together at the thought of pressing my lips to hers. "Are you okay?" she asks, noticing my wandering glances. I snap back to reality, meeting her eyes. I nod slowly and turn my back to her whispering good night. 

The next morning, by the time I woke up, Max was gone. She had sprawled my extra blankets around the unused air mattress, making it look like she slept there if my mom came in to check on us. 

Had a last minute rehearsal- Max

I threw the note in the waste basket next to my desk. I laid in bed, with my eyes barely open and my limbs still heavy. I laid in bed for awhile longer replaying Georgia's words in my head. To be honest, Georgia was right in a way, but that didn't make what she said okay. She doesn't get the right to walk in to my life and say, "You're not okay." But lets all be honest. Every teenager is 'not okay.' Every teenage is going through their own shit. Some just happen to be more extreme than others. 

I don't think my mother means to hurt me. I think that she is just doing what is right in her view. Growing up for her was hard. Her parents were way more conservative than she is now. So the only way to survive is adapt. She grew to understand her surrounding. She didn't like them, but she respected them. I have an uncle, her older brother. And to fill that stereotype, he was the screw up. He is 7 years older than her, so when she was 10 he was 17 going on 18. And around that time, you start growing up, making your own opinions on serious things. And that is also the age where you start driving. And with driving comes responsibility. And being a teenage boy, he decided to use his parents trust and shit on it. He went out partying and drinking. Until one day, my moms parents got a call from the hospital. Apparently he was dropped off there by some friends after a night out. He had really bad alcohol poisoning. The worst part about this is that their parents thought of him the victim to peer pressure. That is until his parents saw the faint pink stamp on his wrist.

Back in the 80's the Rainbow Room was a very famous gay club in the small suburbs we live in. That is to some people. Other people, like my grandparents, were disgusted by people like that. Their parents kicked him out of the house right after that. From what I've heard he is living a glamorous life with his husband and dog. I think that my mother always hated her brother for ruining their family. But it wasn't his fault that their parents would react that way. After that I think started to judge people based on who they liked. Not that she didn't before, but I think she blames herself for what happened to her brother. She loved him and looked up to him, just for him to turn out like a screw up and ruin the family. And as expected in the small suburbs, people new within a day. Their parents were treated like victims to the devil for ruining their sons life. 

I think my mom is just trying to do whats best for me. She has protected me from the injustice and cruel world that people call their own and Although I don't believe in what my mother has taught me, she has changed for the better. Max was really my first real friend. Before her I would eat lunch alone and come home every day to watch TV with my dad. But when Max came into the picture, we would have sleepovers, play dates. And my mom would even take us to get our nails done. But at the crisp age of nine, when Max came out as gay, My mom would let me see her for a week. Within the first few days of that prison sentence, my mom noticed how sad I got, and how every morning I would come down with puffy eyes. Eventually she let me see Max. Because before anything else, she was my mom and she loved me. And I think if I was every to come out as gay she warm up to the idea. But there is always a chance that she doesn't. She could kick me out like her older brother, she could ship me off to some conversion therapy.

The buzz from my phone brings me out of my thoughts

Rehearsal over at 1, u should meet me after, so we can go shopping

I text her back, saying I'll meet her there before getting up.
After I shower I put on a t-shirt and leggings, grabbing my keys and leaving.

When I get there, I am 30 minutes early. I start walking around and notice the music room light on. I knock on the door quietly before opening it.

There was a brunette girl on the piano. She whips her head up at the sound of the door opening.

"Oh-shit, sorry I didn't know anyone-" I start to ramble but she interrupts Mr.
"Its fine, you just surprised me." She says with a kind smile.
The girl had a wolf hair cut, a silver stud nose ring and dimples. She had blue gray eyes. She was wearing baggy ripped jeans with a baggy band t-shirt and a thin white Long sleeve shirt underneath. She had on well used doc martins. As I was checking her out, she cleared her throat.

My eyes dart back to hers. She raises her eyebrows with a smirk. My face flushes red and I look away. "So, what are you playing?" I ask trying to change the topic, as if I totally wasn't just checking her out.

"I'm practicing for battle of the bands" she replies, looking back at her sheet of music. "Your in battle of the bands?" I asked her surprised. "That what I just said," she replies giving me a dumbfounded look. "What are you playing?" I ask her. 

"I guess you will have find out."