Red Eye

Part Ten

I think it's the level of incompetency that frustrates me the most. Just, on a society level. The fact that soo many of us are incapable of doing the simplest of things. It's infuriating.

There are tons of people out there that simply refuse to get the job done. Managers, politicians, nearly almost every single person on the face of the Earth. And why? Just sheer laziness... or spite. When you have some level of authority, it's easier to point a finger than to lift it. 

I'm not really accusing anyone of this mess. But when shit hit the fan, no one offered to clean it up. We all ignored it, looked away instead of confronting it. People were turning into more aggressive versions of themselves. People were dying. And we simply didn't give a fuck. As long as it was happening over there, to those people, we couldn't be bothered. But then it started hitting closer to home, started knocking on our doors. And even then, we tried to turn a blind eye to it even though it was staring us in the face. 

Whatever hope for humanity we had to begin with... and honestly, there wasn't a whole lot ... had completely plummeted once the Red-Eyes showed up and started tearing people apart. This hellhole of a situation quickly changed from an us vs. them battle to a "me" vs "everyone" brawl. Sure, families and friends--for the most part--- stuck together. The individuals, fighting for their lives, got pecked off early because they were weak or 'cause they got cocky. Some already knew they were fighting a losing battle while others thought they would rise above it. Collectively, we all knew we were doomed, but some people tried to cut corners thinking they could buy themselves time. 

Back in Washington, the government turned into a middle-school classroom: a self-appointed leader blabbering orders to a small group who could barely comprehend what they were being told, others hiding under their desks in the hopes they wouldn't be called on to say something, and the small few gathered in the corner who were just trying not to cry. 

"We have the country's best interests at heart" my fucking ass! Either they were the ones behind this whole thing and they failed to cover their ass or they had no fucking clue what this was and they were too stubborn to admit how completely unprepared they were to face it. Sure... nuclear war we're covered for! Got all the codes and red shiny buttons right on the front desk just ready to go! But an end-of-the-world catastrophe? Better hunker down and kiss your sweet ass goodbye because we're all gonna die!

Now... my ass has grown uncomfortably numb from sitting on the cold floor as I continue staring into the void. It's a quiet companion but that doesn't make it any less intimidating.

I found one of the machines still had a bit of expresso left in it so against my better judgement, I decided to take a couple sips and now the bitter, brown syrupy liquid is coursing through my veins making me jittery and my fingertips feel tingly. Most of what remains of my food has gone stale and soaking it in whatever flavored liquid I have just turns the whole thing into a soggy mess. 

Sitting here, on this coffee-stained... hell, blood-stained floor, I realize just how much I miss the simple things, the routine of it all. Having something to do every hour of the day to keep myself occupied. Having a constant distraction to keep me from being bored or having to entertain the intrusive thoughts running amok in my mind. 

Everything used to run like clock-work: I would wake up to my pre-set alarm every morning, check the weather and scroll through social media, ride the train from home to work and back again all the while drowning out the world by shuffling through the same Spotify playlists over and over. I'd then clock into work only to have people yell at me for the stupidest reasons throughout my entire shift, clock out and grab a quick dinner at whatever fast food place was still open then come home to shower and retreat into my room. Once there, I'd plop myself at my desk in front of a blank screen and force my fingers to press random letters on the keyboard in a futile attempt to create a masterpiece worthy of publishing and having a place on bookshelves around the world. 

But all of that's changed now and I find myself here.

And why did I come here of all places to wrestle with my writer's block?  WiFi be damned, I could have been at the park, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. I could have locked myself away in the library with the rest of the nerds. I could have continued my work in my own damn bedroom! But no... something brought me here. And it wasn't fucking fate of all things. You know what it was... you really want to know what made me come here?

One of my coworkers, Dick-for-Brains David told me about some super special drink that had just come out that --to directly quote him-- "Even as an atheist, is so fucking good, I swear to Jesus H. Christ!", that in my foolishness, I decided to hop a bus for and try. And guess what?

"I'm sorry. We're currently all out. Is there anything else I can get you today?"

Fucking Christ! 

So... instead... like a dumbass... I settled for a lukewarm croissant and sat myself down at a table to waste nearly two hours staring at a blinking cursor before everything went to shit. And so I find myself here, trying... and miserably failing... to keep myself together.

Feeling the gradual cracking of my already fragile brain, my mind suddenly flooded itself with even more question I knew I wouldn't be able to find answers for. 

 If I could go back, if I could change everything, would I still be where I am now? Has everything I've ever done, all the choices I've made and didn't make, led me here? Would they have always led me here? 

If I hadn't run away, if I had agreed with my parents that this was all a phase, if I had conformed to society's definition of "normal" and lived my life in that structured way, would I have ended up here? 

Assuming the worst was still to come, that the Red-Eyes were going to wreak havoc no matter what, would we still be together, huddled in our basement, clinging to each other, reassuring each other that everything would be fine? 

But this is life, isn't it? One question after another, one decision after another that takes you in a million different directions. And once you think you've found your way, once you think you've finally figured it all out and taken the right path, you discover it's just led you to Death's door.