Reading Between The Lines ~ Remus Lupin

chapter 53

Thursday, 1 September 1977

Remus walked into the usual compartment James, Sirius, and Peter occupied. James was already sitting there. He looked nervous. James was never nervous for the first day of school. Even as a first year on the train for the very first time, he was excited, ready to make new friends and his mark. Remus had not been. Before getting on the train for the first time at eleven years old, he had resigned himself to the belief that no one would want to be his friend, that he wouldn't be able to form a single relationship, and that he would be insignificant and inconsequential, with no one remembering him as anything more than the boy with scars. James, Sirius, and Peter had changed all of that, though.

"Hey, Prongs. How was the rest of your summer?" Remus asked as he sat across from his friend.

"Good. Although, I'm slightly offended that I wasn't invited to Lena's birthday, but I'll get over it eventually.

"You weren't invited because Lena and Peter knew you were in Australia," Remus laughed

"Well, Sirius and Gwen weren't invited either," James argued.

"Sirius was with you in Australia and Gwen had to work the night shift at St. Mungo's. Now tell me what's happened that's got you acting like this."

"Devilishly charming, you mean?" James deflected.

"No, I mean nervous."

"I'm not nervous."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"You are."

James grumbled in defeat. "Just a bit."

"Why though?"

James sighed and put his hand in his pocket. He held out his hand for Remus to look at. The Head Boy badge, shining in all its glory, laid in the palm of James' hand.

Remus looked up at his friend's face. He swallowed. "Congratulations, James."

James shook his head and put the badge back inside his pocket. "I don't deserve it, Remus. You do."

"It's fine, James. Really, it is."

"No, it's not. You've been a Prefect since fifth year. You should be the one wearing the badge this year, not me."

Remus stood up and closed the compartment door. He moved to sit next to James. His green eyes were intense. "James, I have better chances of being on a Chocolate Frog card than being made Head Boy. Never in a million years would they make a werewolf Head Boy. I'm still in shock that they made me a prefect."

"I feel terrible, Remus. They should have picked you."

"Look, James. It doesn't matter who got it or who didn't get it. All that matters is what you do with it."

James nodded. "I'll do my best to make you proud. I won't abus my position. I promise, Remus," he said adamantly.

Remus knew James meant it. James always kept his word, honoring every agreement and promise he ever made.

"I know you will, James."

And Remus smiled at James despite the jealousy bubbling inside of him.

<><><><><>

Friday, 2 September

"Your room looks really nice," Remus said as he looked around his girlfriend's dorm room. Lena had already plastered her photographs and posters to the wall. Her art supplies were already scattered haphazardly across her desk. Even though it looked like a complete mess to most people, Remus knew that Lena knew exactly where everything was.

Lena nodded and gently pulled Remus to sit on her bed. "I know. It doesn't feel right that Zoë's not here, though. I mean, we've lived together for the past five years. It doesn't feel right that she's suddenly out of my life."

Remus exhaled through his nose and put an arm around Lena before kissing her temple. "I know. But even though you don't see her every day, it doesn't mean she's out of your life."

Lena nodded. "You're right."

"I usually am," Remus said cheekily.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "That's a bit of an exaggeration."

Remus laughed and kissed Lena. Lena wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. She slipped her tongue into his mouth. Remus laid back on Lena's bed and gently pulled her down with him. Lena knotted her fingers into his hair as he slipped his own tongue into her mouth as they kept kissing each other. Their lips eventually parted so they could breathe. They didn't go back to snogging though.

They just laid on their sides with their arms around each other on Lena's bed and looked at each other as people often looked at the art that hung on the walls of museums, trying to understand every brushstroke that made up the work of art and what made the work of art a masterpiece. Most people could never decide what made a work of art so special, they just knew it was a masterpiece.

Remus liked being so close to Lena. He liked looking into her brown eyes that showed every emotion she was feeling and seemed to reflect the wonder and magic she saw around her. He liked looking at the freckles on her nose and counting them even though he always lost count the moment she laughed and he'd have to start over. He liked looking at her cheeks that were always slightly pink for some inexplicable reason. He liked her more than just her beautiful features. He liked her laugh and wanted nothing more than to have it on a record so he could play it whenever he missed her or needed cheering up. He liked how humble she was even though she had no reason to be. He liked how she always listened to people, even when they were telling her the most ridiculous things. He liked how concentrated she could get and tune out everything around her, making her own little world that he hoped he was a part of.

"I missed you," Lena said softly, smiling, interrupting Remus from making his list of all the wonderful things about her.

"I just saw you two weeks ago," Remus said, tucking Lena's hair behind her ear.

"I know. I still missed you, though," she said, her cheeks more pink than normal.

"I am pretty easy to miss," Remus grinned. Lena rolled her eyes. "I missed you, too."

Lena bit her lip, trying to hide her smile. "Good."

She moved her hand up towards his head and combed his hair. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Remus said quietly.

Lena moved her head slightly, tilting it. She knew him all too well."Try again."

Remus sighed. "I think I'm a bad friend."

The Hufflepuff blinked and looked at her boyfriend in surprise. "Why would you think that for a second? You're absolutely wonderful."

Remus looked away from Lena's eyes and down at her lips. He loved her brown eyes and didn't want to see disappointment in them.

"James made Head Boy. And I want to be happy for him, I really do, but I can't help but feel jealous, like I was wronged... And I know it's not fair to him. He didn't ask to be Head Boy and he feels terrible that he got it and I didn't. And I knew they were never going to make me Head Boy, but I still hoped that... I didn't realize how much I had wanted it. It doesn't matter. I feel terrible. I'm being an awful friend."

Lena put a hand on the side of Remus' face that wasn't resting on her pillow and rubbed her thumb against his cheek. "Remus," she said softly, telling him to look into her eyes without using any words. There was no disappointment in her eyes, only understanding.

"You're not a bad friend, not even in the slightest. We're only human, it's okay to be jealous. And I'm sorry you didn't make Head Boy because I think you deserved it. And it's not fair that you got passed over for being who you are... I wish I could fix this for you. I don't like seeing you upset."

"Talking to you is enough."

Lena shook her head in disagreement. Remus pulled her closer to him and traced her spine with his fingers. The sensation made her breath catch.

"It is though, Lena. You make everything better."