Lazarus

Chapter 16

"Are we still continuing with the Luna Ceremony?" I questioned, trying to make myself sound a bit nicer.

Lazarus nodded quietly, watching the doctor unwrap my wound. It has been a week since the attack and my wound has finally begun to really heal, including my collarbone. I'm not a fan of physical therapy, but if I want to have full movement back, I'll have to suck it up. I was beginning to grow restless due to barely being able to do anything with my arm right now. No shifting, no running, no training, nothing. Physical therapy and then walking aimlessly around the packhouse until Alex and Margaret were done their training and tasks. Lazarus has attempted to make more conversation with me, but I have been standoffish the entire time. I'm not interested in becoming his friend, I don't even want to be near him for more than a minute. However, he's rather adamant about earning my forgiveness.

It's sad to look at some times, his eyes were always so pleading but I felt nothing for him. It's my turn not to trust him, if he wants me to become closer with him, then he needs to grovel a bit. While he hadn't been an ass for too long, it was still enough to hurt me and cause this depression to eat away at me.

**Trigger warning (depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety)**

Glancing over at my medication, I sighed, my stomach churning as a result of my withdrawal. I still refuse to take the medication and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure why. One would think feeling the anxiety and depression once more would make me want to take it, but it didn't. The want for death was beginning to slip into my mind once more, pushing me closer to the edge. I finally have Alex to talk to and we had even told Margaret, but it wasn't enough. After the attack, after finally realizing that my parents don't care for me and after everything I have dealt with, I felt lonely. I'm stuck in a dark hole with no exit in sight, I'm just sitting here, waiting to take that final step.

"Persephone?"

Blinking, I looked over towards the doctor, "I'm sorry, were you saying something?"

"You haven't been taking your medicine. It's starting to affect you."

I tensed up a little, knowing Lazarus was listening. Swallowing, I nodded, "Does he have to be here?"

I spit out the word 'he', becoming defensive once more over my health history. I didn't look at him, making it clear to him that I didn't want him around.

"My apologies, I'll excuse myself," he voiced.

I know my attitude has to be hurting him in some way, his voice had wavered for a second before he managed to hide it once more. I watched him leave, my eyes instantly going to his bulging muscles. Each one was perfectly sculpted, even showing through his shirt, making him look almost unbelievable. It was as though Artemis herself had come down and carved him out of marble, declaring him a perfect piece of art.

"You're attracted to him," my wolf's thoughts sounded through my head, causing my eyes to widen.

I swiftly looked away as he closed the door, focusing on the doctor, "I don't want to depend on medicine."

He frowned, "Are you ashamed of it?"

I paused, am I?

Looking down, I nodded slowly, knowing I am. I felt as though I'm some crazy woman who needs to medicine to control her emotions. Maybe if I had better control over myself, my parents wouldn't have loathed me so much during my childhood. I was always the problem child, the one that would have a mental breakdown every other day because I couldn't understand something. When the doctor told them I could benefit from anti-depressants, they looked disgusted with me. I was weak in their eyes.

I still am.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Persephone," he said softly as he worked my shoulder. Giving it a nod of approval as I was able to lift it almost fully.

"They make me weak."

"They don't make you weak, they make you better. If they work for you, don't refuse them because of what your old pack told you. There is nothing weak about taking medicine to help you. But if you don't want to take it, then we can look into therapy for you."

I frowned, "What Alpha needs a therapist?"

He gave me a sad smile, "Ask Lazarus."

"I already know what happened to his aunt."

"Not his aunt."

I looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows, "You mean Lazarus had a therapist?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but he was put on suicide watch a year ago."

A/N: Hmmm where is this heading? 

Trick question, I don't know