Freedom of Tomorrow

IM SORRY

Echo stopped the car on the side of the road and vomited, again. Hallie got out of the car and stood beside Echo. "I was diagnosed with leukaemia when I was fourteen. I lived in the hospital for about a year before I was discharged. I was completely fine for the three years after. When you saw that letter in the kitchen, I hid it. I didn't have a chance to retrieve it before the day we left. I took it out of the hiding spot when you were out starting the car and I was getting the bags. I slipped it into my backpack and didn't get the chance to read it until we reached the motel. I woke up at around three in the morning and remembered, and that's when I finally read it."

"What did the letter say?"

"It was just what I had expected. You see every year since I was discharged from the hospital, I have had to go back for my yearly check-ups to ensure that the cancer hadn't returned. So that's what the letter was, just a reminder. Harmless."

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"Well at the time, I didn't think it was important. It was a part of my past."

"It was a part of your past?" Echo asked feeling stressed, angered and nauseous all the same.

"Let's get back on the road and I'll explain," Hallie said gently. The blow that had hit her when she was on the phone at the beach seemed to have subsided. She was much more relaxed now. Or maybe not relaxed, more at ease at least because she knew she had to be just that for Echo to not lose control completely.

Hallie stepped back into the car while Echo scrambled along behind her. Echo started the car and began driving again.

"So, explain," Echo demanded still trying to process what Hallie had said all while still wondering if Hallie was terminally ill.

"The reminders for the check-ups always come two months early. So that day I said I was going on that job interview, I was actually going to the train station to catch the train to the hospital."

"And so what did the results show?"

"The leukaemia was still gone. The same results came on the check-up the next year as well."

"So you've had all these check-ups without telling me a thing?" Echo said with extreme rage. She was almost unrecognisable to the calm Echo Hallie knew.

"I am really sorry. I know I should have but I've been fine for so many years, I didn't want to worry you."

This reminded Echo of how she kept her trauma from Hallie. "But that was actually in the past!" Hallie thought. "It's not like it's been happening every year since and I've kept it from her or something like that!"

"But you still should have told me!" Echo insisted.

"I know and I'm sorry."

"But you still haven't told me what the call was about."

"Well, I had another check-up last month when you had the day off work, and I said I was working overtime."

"And let me guess, the call just now was your results. And it was urgent because the leukaemia is back. Please tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not", Hallie said with a salty tear trickling down her left cheek

The drive to the hospital was no longer than three hours. It was the most dreadful three hours either of them had experienced. The pain Echo was feeling could not be compared in the slightest to anything else she had experienced. The fear of losing Hallie was immense. She was terrified and wasn't good at hiding it. Hallie on the other hand only seemed sad. She had been through this once before and turned out fine. However, secretly, she was also terrified. Everything had happened so suddenly. The confrontation, the call, everything! She hadn't had to process nearly as much information as Echo, but already she was preparing for the worst. They both were. Although the situation was probably worse for Echo in some ways despite her not being the one having to go through being diagnosed with cancer. She was sure that Hallie was the absolute love of her life and that she would never find anyone like her. If she was to lose Hallie, she would have to live in pain for the rest of her life. For Hallie, the pain would be gone in an instant. For Echo, the worst of the pain would just be arriving.

When they finally got to the hospital, they climbed out of the car again. Echo felt better and worse at the same time. Better, because she had been able to process everything during the car ride. Worse, because she was the most petrified she had ever been in her life. When they were both out of the car, Echo bid Hallie wait. She pulled Hallie in close and held her tighter than ever as she burst into tears. It was the first time she was releasing her emotions instead of staying numb and angered. It was a relief although it ended up making her sadder because it made everything seem even more real.

They stood there in front of the car, clinging on tightly to one another for about a minute before Hallie finally pulled away.

"Let's go," she said with tears in her eyes, ready to face the terrors of the hospital.

They entered the hospital where a nurse brought Hallie and Echo to a white room where they were left to wait for the doctor. The room was very plain. There was a double bed, a bedside table and a chair in the far corner. The windows were scarce which meant that the room was illuminated, mostly by artificial light. When the doctor finally arrived after what seemed like an eternity, an old man whom Hallie must have known beforehand from the way he addressed her.

"Hallie I'm so sorry," he said.

"Is it bad?" Echo asked.

"This is my wife Echo," Hallie informed the doctor quickly.

"I'm afraid so," he replied. "We're going to have to begin treatment as soon as possible."

"Okay, but can I call my parents first?" Hallie asked.

"Yes, you may."

Hallie spoke on the phone with her parents for about an hour. They hadn't seen their daughter for a whole three years. They didn't know about her life. No wonder the conversation was so long, they had a lot to catch up on. Hallie was very tearful. Echo held her hand the entire time. The news must have been dreadful for Hallie's parents. Especially because they had no way of reaching her.

Hallie's parents were living on an island for some sort of business-related thing that they couldn't leave. In summary, it was obvious that to Hallie's parents, business was more important than whether their daughter was going to live or die. Echo couldn't help but think that they were, "selfish cunts." She felt sad and betrayed on Hallie's behalf. 

After the phone call, the doctor came back and brought Hallie to another room. Echo didn't see her until the next day. Pretty much every day was like this for the following month. The days were bleak and sorrowful. They had both gone from experiencing utter fulfilment to utter despair. Nearly every day, the two would have a conversation that was something along the lines of:

"It's going to be alright," Echo tried reassuring Hallie. "You're a survivor. You were then, and you are now. And when you can't be strong for yourself, I'll be strong for you. I promise."

Hallie was clinging on tightly to Echo's hand as she said, "thank you. I love you. You mean everything to me."

They both started crying as they embraced one another. Throughout the years they had spent together, they began to feel less like two individuals, but more like one conjoined being. If they were to be separated, it would be devastating.