A Flux of Emotions

A Letter for You...

The disappointment was great,
yet I stayed close in hopes to be yours again.

You could probably care less (I'm sure you did) but your personality had me trapped in a cage.

While trying to find a way out, I fell harder each time. I told you I loved you and you dismissed it as if I said nothing, though I still wonder, did the words I spoke anger you? Is it still there replaying In your mind?

I realize now I'm not as important as I thought I was, for I am easily dismissed by you and that says a lot. I only wanted to be closer to you and yet I keep pushing you farther each passing moment.

I'm not worthy of the little attention you give me and I'm sure if I disappeared now, you wouldn't even notice. I know I was a little crazy and only talked about my interest as if you had none of your own. For that, I apologize.

I never payed attention to your needs and I always forgot you were my crush not the other way around. All I can say now is that I don't want it to end this way. I know we aren't together but the thought of this relationship becoming close to nothing or worse than it already is gives me nightmares.

I pray that it never occurs to you to end what ever we have now.

This may be to late but I wanted you to know that I love you and always have. Even though I am inconsiderate and pay close to no attention to the world around me, I noticed you and it made my heart beat faster each time I took a step closer.

Even now, as I write this to you, I cry knowing I could have done something more to keep us together and stay the same but all good things must come to an end; boy does it hurt when it ends.

Thank you, my first love,  for giving me a vision and giving me a chance to spend time with you even though you hated my company. I know I don't deserve you so I pray and bid you fare well. I hope you find someone better than me for I am nothing but a nuisance, a shadow of the past to never be looked on or recorded to be remembered.

This is who I am and I can never change the outcome of my actions.

                   Sincerely,
                            Your dreams

Author's Note / Passage Explanation

If you want to understand the passage better, feel free to read. ⚠️: Self-Hatred

This was written while I was in a church service. I had liked someone a lot at the time but had come to my own realization that I was this annoying and unwanted person forcing my personality on someone else. This was not actually the case as I had not said two words to the person. However, my own self-hatred and lack of self-confidence caused me to develop these thoughts regardless. It was not originally a letter, however, when I finally realized that I was simply projecting my own thoughts as if they were reality, I reworded this to seem more like I was someone from my crush's dream who had developed some sort of sentience and feelings for them (the dreamer).