𝕔𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕔𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 - 𝘰𝘤 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘵 %

𝕒𝕒 𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕𝕖𝕣 || 𝟘𝟙.

Fuck it.

The wise words of a once alive man was the motto of Ash's life. She drenched her world in chaos, as if it were paint onto a canvas. Why you may ask? If you were to ask Ash Jenkins this question, she'd merely smirk not saying anything, perhaps a shrug to signal her indifference. But, her actions would, one way or another, make your guts twist and churn. She'd silently make you feel belittled, stupid for asking such a seemingly obvious question. The answer was, of course, not obvious to an outsider looking into her devious mind.

Though to her it was quite simple; ruining things was fun and watching it all go down was even better.

Ash always wondered about herself, mostly about what were the specific experiences that morphed her into what she was. A soul-sucking tragedy that will pleasurably choke you for amusement.

Was it her name? A lazy configuration of three letters that became an easy target for children to bully because of its gender ambiguity. A girl's name or a boy's, how unconditionally funny.

Was it her cleverness? Intelligence wasn't a very common trait in the Jenkins family, so her parents pushed it to the side with half-hearted praises because of their unfamiliarity with it. Having her brother push her away in fear of, for even a moment, feeling inferior to his little sister. Though, it was recognized twice in the manner it deserved. The acknowledgment of the two Stonem children, firstly Tony then Effy, cultivated an unhealthy ego and air of arrogance.

Or should she look to recent years, with her family's total abandonment of her? Dad's dead, Mom going off to another boyfriend leaving her with an empty home, her brother exiting her life without so much as a goodbye to find his so called love.

Yes, that could be it.

Now, Fuck it doesn't mean letting go, chasing any sort of whim that comes to mind. It just means if she can, she will. Because she has no one to lose truly, except perhaps Effy and Panda. But, were they ever hers to lose in any case.

Despite the company she keeps, Ash isn't a drugged up waste. Ash quit that summer, removing any and all unnatural substances from her bloodstream. She stopped thinking clearly a while ago, the drugs and alcohol muddled the true meaning behind Fuck it, that had messy and catastrophic results. She didn't want to reminisce of that part of her past, although she knows the past never forgets.

She was a slave to substance, she let it abuse her in the sickest form of Stockholm syndrome. She was a pathetic junkie and the thought of a will to live stopped crossing her mind. It was a dark hole she fell in, forcing herself to ruin things for money, for drugs, for alcohol. The toxins made her ruin things not for her own amusement and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. After, many battles won with self-discipline and resilience she broke the hold disease had on her. She now felt free and herself.

She was 14 months clean.

And that was Ash's life up until this point, the start of her years at college. Of course, she was following in Sid's footsteps and attending the ever so lovely. 

Roundview college.