Wasting Away

A new year, a new start. Here is a story which is inspired by true events and partially my own imagination.

Much Love,

            Blue-Eclipse xx

*****

Chapter One

Hannah’s POV

 One step forward and two steps back is how I live my life, one step moving slowly towards recovery, and two steps falling back down into the lows of my life. It’s how I’ve lived since a young age, never really knowing who I was or who I am now. Never understanding how it happened, how it started or even how it’s going to finish – ‘is it even able to be finished?’ – is a question I repeatedly ask myself. Only back in those young days it wasn’t this bad or this complicated. It was just different; I was just different from the rest, but now as the reality of my life begin to sink in, I can see how different I am and how much trouble I’ve pulled upon myself.

 In the past I always felt like I didn’t fit in with the rest. I felt as if I had been created in all the wrong ways, with nothing that matched everyone else. It was like I was someone from a faraway planet no one had heard of – an alien – and then there was everyone else.

 Many people tell me that my childhood should be the first years of life that I remember the most, not the years that I’ve lived most recently; if you can even say I’ve lived. They’re supposed to be the years that you make your life-long friendship the years that make and set up your future. What they’re not supposed to be are the years you spend your current time looking back into, looking for the starting signs.

Four years old

I began my school life in a reasonably small school, with each class only consisting of ten to fifteen students, some even less. In my class there were ten of us, seven boys with three girls. I was the girl with dead straight brown hair, the other two were blondes. One had short hair cut into a bob, and the other had long ringlets a bit like a fantasy princess. We were the best of friends, the three musketeers is what the teachers called us, always playing games in the playground, always holding hands. I guess you can say we were practically un-separable. The boys took little notice of us and we took even less notice of them, because back then, boys were that little disease causing microbe you caught with that one little touch. So it was just the three of us, and it would be for the rest of our schooling lives – so we thought, so I suppose it’s safe to say that it wasn’t then it all started, but I have an idea it was the basis of the issue.

Nine years old

In my fifth year of primary school we were still the best of friends, or that was what it at least looked like from the outside, not what it felt like on the inside. Not to me anyway. To me it felt like it was them two and I was just the girl who tagged along as the ‘friend’, not the ‘best friend’. I never let them know that, I just kept it to myself pretending everything was ok, which it was. We were still friends, still best friends even, just not as close as we used to be.

 If you look back in time like I’ve tried doing, but look deep into it, you could say this is where it really all started. For this is where I began to feel different from the rest. I wasn’t bothered by the fact that I was that slight bit chubbier than the rest, but by the fact that I wasn’t blonde like the other girls were. I didn’t look like a princess character like they did, but instead one of the ugly stepsisters from Cinderella. I couldn’t explain why at that age, but I guess that’s where I first felt socially out of place.

Eleven years old

My final year of primary school, and if I’m honest, the main starting issue of my life’s mess. Year six bought boyfriends and body types into the equation of friendship, along with unresolved arguments which led to me being pushed aside that little bit more. I had the issue of being pushed aside before all the other drama; I took that little upon myself. It was my choice to drift further apart from both Rosie and Amelia, for it was that year when I thought I was different to them; socially different, not alien different that is. I didn't quite fit in with them any longer. I didn't share the same passion of boys over school work, or the same ideas about shopping and makeup. And physically I didn’t fit in with them for I wasn't blonde like they were, I didn't have a slender thin body like them and most of all, boys didn’t share the same amount of interest in me as them. So I singly opted out of the three musketeers without formally telling them.

  *

Riley’s POV

Talent, fame and money, I should have it all right? The perfect life with everything that comes with it, what more could I possibly ask for? A lot is what I have to answer with. For one thing, I wish I was someone else – literally speaking that is, not just because they’re some celebrity. So, if a shooting start shot across the sky right now, that’s my wish.

 Like the sun shining on small diamonds, they twinkled for what seemed like miles. No city lights blocked their view from my naked eye, no clouds drifted between us. It was just us and the midnight blue sky. Beneath the cliff, small houses glowed like amber whilst the river, the long wide bending river, glistened like ice as the sparkle from the stars and the light from the moon shone on it. It was like I was in a movie, a magical movie, and I was the girl with the lead role.

 Wisps of hair tangled themselves around my face as I sat on dampened grass looking at the view, both above and below. It’s the final hour of my time alone, before I’m to go back into the clinic, and like usual, I spend chose to spend it alone, trying to focus on nothing but the view in front of me.

  “Time’s up.” Dr Nick tells me as he stands only metres away.

 I move slowly, trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. I walk up the pathway, lit up by little garden gnome lights, leading the way back to what I now call my second home, thinking about my freedom which won’t be back until tomorrow.

*****

A/N

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