"He gave unconditional love. From him, I learned that despite his flaws he can love more than he can love himself. Up to the weakest point in his life, he tried his best to show me love the way he knows how."
The is one of the most difficult part to recall―reminiscing how my father hid his pain from us.
What should I feel when he didn't tell me he was not feeling good any more? Why didn't he complain to me? Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he tell me? I discovered that my father was consulting a doctor through text messaging only when in fact, what he badly needed was an actual checkup. After I left my job, I lost the health card benefit that my father can use for his regular checkup, so he decided to visit the doctor every three months to at least ease out the burden on our finances. It was no joke to have his checkup. His laboratory tests and checkup would sum up to around 3,000 pesos; maintenance medicine not included.
My income was not enough to support us. We needed aid from our relatives. We were able to get through; however, the help we can get from our relatives was not regular anymore. I shouldered most of our living expenses. It even came to the point that my mom would borrow money so she can buy the medicine of my father. What I was sending them was not enough. I am guilty of this. I have not forgiven myself for all my shortcomings. I know I could have done more. I failed to provide financial support for this to be done. Through the end, my father was thinking about me. He didn't want me to worry; my parents didn't want me to worry. After 30 years, they were still looking after me. He didn't want to be a burden. But the fact is, I never considered him as a burden. I love him and I'd do everything for the people that I love.
"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." ― Proverbs 3:11
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Dance With the Father
SpiritualA narration of a true story about grieving and healing This is my personal story. I dream of publishing this one day. But for now, I hope I can share to you my journey. To my father, Bernie - the imperfect but perfect father to me - and to all fath...
