Dead to Me

1

Good evening loves! So, I randomly had an idea for a book lol. I might not update this a lot since school is starting up soon but I swear I'll try.

TW: drug use, mentions of suicide, guilt-tripping. Let me know if I missed anything!

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The front door opens as I'm flipping a pancake at 7:30 in the morning on Saturday. The light of the sun rushes in through the cracked kitchen window, pouring into my eyes. I turn around to see who is opening the door. I fully expected it to be Paige, but to my surprise, it's my mother.

"I knew it smelled like pancakes!" she exclaims with a toothy grin on her pale, thin face. She looks worn out and utterly exhausted. But what really surprises me is that she doesn't smell like a bar.

"Oh. You're... back." I shutter.

"Don't sound so disappointed. I swear I'm gonna change this time! Just me and you, kid." she smiles at me. I narrow my eyes at her to try and detect any lies that may be protruding out of her lying mouth.

"You said that last time." I sigh and turn around to my pancake to scoop it onto a plate.  I would love to believe my mother, but I've been lied to way too many times for me to believe anything that she says. Whether it's the truth or not. 

"Dove..." she whispers. My heart aches a little when she says my name like that. "Rehab changed me! Please believe me," she says in a defeated tone. Her breath sounds shaky and weak. I swallow my spit.

"I'm not hungry, you can have the pancake if you want it," I tell her. I turn around and walk past my mother without making eye contact and walk upstairs. I try to slow my breathing down. 

"Dove!" my mother yells after me. I hear her dainty footsteps bound upstairs. I flop onto my bed and pretend I'm asleep. I feel a small hand on my shoulder. She shakes me. 

"I am so sick of your attitude. You're just like your father and it drives me insane! You never believe me, I tell you I quit, and you doubt me! If anything, you're the reason I always relapse! You never believe in me and you never have! Imagine how I feel when my own daughter sends me to rehab in the middle of the night!"

I just blink at her. "How you feel?" I say quietly. I sit up and look at her. "Did you ever, just once in your life, think about how I feel?"

She opens her mouth in protest. "I... I'm sorry, Dove."

"You're what? You're sorry now? Sixteen years later, you're fucking sorry?!"

She looks at me. I can see the anger brewing in her eyes. "You were never there for me! Ever! When dad left, he left because of you."

Tears start to pool in her eyes. "He left because he had a new family."

I scoff. "No. No, he didn't. He left because you couldn't get your shit together, Mom."

"That's not true." she starts to break down.

I smirk. "He left. He left because of you. He left because you are just so draining, I mean... how can anyone handle you?"

"Please stop."

"Stop?"

She nods in defeat.

"Why can't you stop for once in your life?"

I see a tear slip down her cheek and she wipes it away with her wrist. She nods and turns around to leave. "I've tried," she whispers. 

My throat starts to burn and I feel a hot tear roll down my cheek and onto my chest. I didn't even realize the tears in my eyes. I shake my head. I can't cry, I can't let her get to me anymore. She hasn't tried. There's no way she's tried.

"Addiction is hard." she once told me. It can't be that hard. She's just making excuses because she doesn't want to stop.

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"Yeah." I sigh. My best friend, Paige, looks at me.

"Honestly, Dove."

I look at her. "What?"

"What you said was kinda fucked up. No, scratch that. It was fucked up."

I laugh a little. "What do you mean?"

"She still loves your dad. You shoved him leaving in her face. She is trying. But you're too narrow-minded to realize how hard addiction is. I love you but I'm going to call you out on all your petty little bullshit."

"You can't be serious!"

Her eyes tear into my soul. "As a recovering addict, D, I understand where your mom is coming from. You shut her down every time. I am not saying that you are the reason she continues to relapse, but I am saying that you need to start encouraging her to stay clean. You will regret everything you say to that woman when she's dead. And you will not tell people how much you loved her, because if I'm being honest, you showed that woman no love. She dropped her life to raise you. If anything, you should be blaming your father for how bad her addiction has grown to be. He gave her the first dose, and the second, and the third. And paid for all of her other doses. I'm leaving."

I sit there, my mouth agape in shock.

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Okay, okay. I'm so sorry this chapter is so short but I'm exhausted and going to bed. I love you guys!

Word count: 885 (including all my blurbs lmao)