Lingering memories

Denial

"Alberto, look at me."

Gusts of cold wind caressed their faces. Only one of them could feel it.

"You aren't here. It's all in my head." Alberto held onto his knees, seeking to grasp reality. "You're a hallucination, a dream, a nightmare. I don't know anymore."

"Just stop ignoring me. Please."

The metallic scent gathered in the air he breathed. "This can't be happening."

"It already happened. I'm sorry."

Alberto hugged his arms. No warmth poured out of them. "No. Luca, you can't be gone."

The waves crashed into the beach. Their salty aromas covered the putrid odor. It brought back the faint visions of the harpoon and the water, tainted by the golden light of the sunset and the crimson shades of blood.

"Alberto, I..."

A hand reached out for Alberto, almost brushing his shoulder, before it was completely rejected by his back. Silence drowned them both, as the moonlight crawled through their faces. It allowed Alberto to focus on the screams that still lingered in his eardrums.

He stared at the sand. "Come back."

"I won't. I can't."

"Please, lie to me. Just... say you will," he whispered, hesitant for an instant.

"No. I don't want to promise you something I can't do. I... won't come back." Luca's voice softened. The impact had to be subtle.

"What about school? What about learning how the human world works? Your dreams? Are you going to throw all that away?" The soreness in Alberto's throat worsened as he uttered those words.

"Believe me, this is not what I wanted."

"Then, why did you stand between Ercole and I?" The sky's colors were a particular shade of black this night. His hands were shaking, soaked in his own sweat.

"I had to do it."

"No, there was no need to. I just dragged you into my mess."

"You didn't. Can you please look at me now?"

Alberto buried his face in his arms. "No. I told you, you aren't real." He refused to acknowledge the situation. Wasn't it better to live guided by blissful ignorance?

"But I am. I'm real, and I'm talking to you."

"Then I'll shut up. I won't have a conversation with you. That'd be like having a conversation with myself and I'm not insane!" His voice grew in sound, yet it broke into mumbles once again. "I'll wait for the real Luca to come."

"Alberto," Luca's voice impaled him. "I'm right here!"

"Sei un idiota."

"You're the one who is being an idiota!"

"Va' a farti fottere." Alberto's voice trembled, struggling with the intense quivering expanding through his body.

"What does that even mean?" It was a strange sight to witness Luca being this irritated.

"I don't know! You're right, I'm an idiota!"

Luca's groan echoed under the coal-colored sky. Two hands seized Alberto's shoulders, breaking his safe position, and turning him around, forcing him to face what he feared. Alberto was shaken after being able to perceive that frigid sensation. He had assumed he couldn't touch him. His soul froze upon staring at Luca's translucent form, floating right in front of him. The nausea suffocated his guts. Tears left the corners of Alberto's eyes. The corpse lay on the ground, stroked by the breeze. There was a hole engraved in its chest; a scar that indicated where the harpoon had pierced through its flesh.

"Will you stop ignoring me now?"

"How can I ignore something that's not real?"

"Are we going to have the same discussion as before? I grabbed you. You can see me. What other proof do you need?"

Alberto scratched his nose, cleaning it from the fainted cries. "Well, you know, ghosts aren't really supposed to be able to touch things."

"I'm just as confused as you! But you can't keep shutting me away forever."

"Why can I never be right." Alberto observed how his own hands faded into a paler tone. Drops fell on top of them, revealing his scales. "Back there, for a moment, I thought you'd be safe when I..." He couldn't finish the sentence. "I ruined everything."

"Alberto, remember: silenzio Bruno. It wasn't you who..."

"Please, leave me alone." The strength had vanished. All that remained was grief.

"I'm not leaving you."

"Leave."

Luca dwelled on Alberto's agony. "I can't."

"Why not?" Anguish began building up within Alberto's chest. "Just move on to ghost paradise, or something!"

"I'm trying, but I can't, and I don't know why!" Luca's striking voice didn't match with his fragile figure. "I wished it was that easy."

The screams turned into mutters. "It was easy enough for you to... leave."

"I didn't leave because I wanted to, I..." Luca inhaled, astonished by Alberto's lack of acceptance. "Maybe we have to forgive ourselves, to reach inner peace and let go of what happened."

"Yeah, or maybe you have pending issues. Don't all ghosts have them? I mean, that's why they haunt people and stuff."

"I'm not sure, I've never met a ghost before..."

Quietness settled in. Alberto contemplated Luca's eyes; their lively essence was forever gone. The muffled wails never ceased. "Isn't it weird?"

"What's weird?"

"You're right here, with me, but, at the same time, you're not."

Luca gazed at the corpse, rotting in the sand. The dim aspect of his face crushed Alberto. "We can get through this," he murmured, unsure of his own lie.

Luca brushed his hand, trying to provide him comfort. Alberto craved to feel his tender touch. Instead, an icy sensation crawled through his arm. The truth had been unveiled time ago.

"Alberto, we will figure everything out, I'm sure that..."

"There's nothing to figure out!" Alberto's voice roared. He could have been easily heard from the tower behind their backs. "Luca, you are... dead," he paused, repressing the tears that poured out of him, "and it's all my fault."

The shore isolated them from the rest of the world. Waves raised and lowered, their foam passing through Luca and hitting him. A void unfolded within Alberto. What has been lost would never return.

"It's always my fault."