You Were Good To Me

I still don't know why I did what I did. Well, maybe that's a cop out. I more or less know why, I just hate admitting it to myself. Izzie had been so busy with her new job, her new work friends, her roommate from college was always hanging around. I was jealous, and I missed her. Basically, I was the worlds biggest idiot. I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.

****Two Months Ago****
My head is spinning from the excessive amount of alcohol I'd managed to consume in the last three hours. I had told Izzie I would be home an hour ago, but fuck it. She never has any time for me anymore anyways. I'm having fun, some girl is dancing with me and staring at me all doe eyed. Yeah she isn't Izzie, and yeah I really don't care about this girl anyways, but it feels so good to be noticed. So when the girl grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss, I kiss her back. Sloppily, drunkenly, I kiss her back. Finally, I feel a pang of guilt. Yeah Izzie has been busy, but I love her, and I know she loves me. I pull back, and to my horror see Izzie standing to the side. She saw everything. She looks at me and shakes her head, tears already falling down her cheeks. Each tear feels like a knife in the heart, a knife that I know that I deserve.

***Present Day***
I think back to that night. Trying to get a taxi back home. Izzie refusing to listen to me, just silently packing her stuff and leaving shortly after I got there. The hundreds of desperate attempts to reach out, to try to fix it. Her radio silence. After a few weeks, I had stopped. It was my fault. I fucked it up. I was going to let her go.

That was until I heard from a mutual friend that she had purchased a little townhouse downtown.

***Six Months Ago***
We walked by the little townhouse from the street and Izzie fell in love with it. We saw a man in his mid forties painting the outside, and he noticed us admiring the townhouse. "It's going to be for sale in about four or five months, just fixing up the place first." The man said with a friendly smile. Izzie and I had decided to check on the place in a couple months, to see about buying it.

***Present Day***
I make my way back down to the townhouse we had seen that day. Praying that Izzie's new townhouse is the same townhouse we had looked at together.

I feel like dying, I know I fucked up. Part of me is tempted to just leave Izzie alone. I just have to try one more time.

There is no one like Izzie. I know that now. I had ruined a nearly seven year relationship with one stupid drunken night. I have to try at least one more time.

I knock on the door, but no one answers. I peak into the window, feeling like a full blown stalker. The lights are mostly off, but I see some boxes stacked in the living room. One has Izzie's familiar handwriting scrawled across it labeled "Books".

I realize she's probably not home so I sit down and I wait. Than I wait some more.

*Four Hours Later*

I had started to zone out, drowning myself in memories of Izzie. Sipping slurpees in my mom's old car. Holding hands walking down the hallway at Clayton, at college. Kissing her. Making love to her. Waking up with her beside me, her dark almond eyes looking at me with love.

"Casey?" I hear her angelic voice say, but I think I'm imagining it for a moment, so lost in my own memories. Until I hear her again, close this time. "Casey?"

I look at her, almost unable to believe my eyes. Her hair is a little longer, she probably hasn't gotten it cut yet. Other wise, she's the same Izzie. A beautiful angel of a woman, that I had hurt.

I get to my feet quickly. "Hey." I say, not sure where to start. "What are you doing here?" Izzie says, and I can still hear the hurt in her voice. Ouch. "I wanted to talk to you." I said staring at her face, trying to memorize it in case this is the last time I get to see it in person.

Izzie sighs. "What's there to talk about Casey? You threw away seven years of our lives to stick your tongue down some random girl's throat." Izzie's words hurt, but I know that I deserve them. I deserve so much worse honestly.

"I know what I did was wrong, but I swear if you give me a chance you'll see how sorry I am. I know, I broke your heart Iz. I swear I won't hurt you again, these last two months without you have opened my eyes to just how good you were to me. How much you loved me, and looking back on that night, I was jealous because I missed you, which is so stupid. I'm not making an excuse, I'm just trying to explain what was going through my head. When I think of us, all that we've been through together, I have to try at least one more time. If you can't do this, I understand, and if you want me to, I'll go." All the thoughts that have been swirling in my head these last two months come pouring out. I realize that I am probably talking to much, but this may be my last chance to talk to her.

Izzie is silent for a long time just looking at me. After a long time, she looks up at me. "That week leading up to that night, and especially that night aside, you were good to me too Casey." She says finally, eyeing me carefully.

I feel hope for the first time in two months. I look at her, searching her face for some sign that maybe she is still in love with me. Izzie sighs again. "I'm not saying it will be easy, or that we will instantly get back to where we were, but I'm willing to try to give us a chance to fix it." Izzie says finally.

I fall to knees and wrap my arms around her legs. I'm beyond caring about silly things like my pride. "Thank you" I say, tears falling from my eyes.

I have another chance. I'll be damned if I'm going to mess this one up.