happier ✓

seventeen

What I got to see today was heart wrecking. Lilian is an amazing human. So is Martin. You can see the adoration they have for each other. But also how much her Alzheimer's disease affects them. Lilian always mentioned that she just wanted to see the sunflowers. Ryan had four sunflowers standing in a corner of his garden. She always looked at them with a smile on her face.

Two hours have passed. It's ten in the evening now but we stayed out until now, talking. They told me a little bit of Ryan's and Alexa's childhood. They seem to be a happy family.

We probably would've had even more to talk about. But Lilian got tired so Martin said that he wants her at home so if she wakes up she's in an environment that is familiar to her.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Kiara." Martin tells me during a friendly hug. "The pleasure is mine, Martin. Get home safe." Lilian is already in the car. She said goodbye three times already because she forgot the other two times. "I'm going to bring Nevaeh in bed." I tell Ryan as he closes the door and gives me a nod.

Nevaeh is already in bed but she wanted me to wait with her until she's asleep. So I join her in bed, tell her a story and massage her back in small circles while I read a book in silence and wait for her to fall asleep.

I must've forgotten about the time when I hear a quiet knock on the opened door of our room and see Ryan coming in.
"Do you want to take a bath?" He asks me. I think he needs ro relieve some thoughts and wants a distraction from today. So I look at my daughter one last time to make sure if she's really asleep, set the book aside and get out with him into his bathroom.

The bathtub is already filled with foam and bubbles. And rose pedals.
I look at Ryan who is already looking at me as we both take off our clothes. I slip out of my black little dress and underwear, then step into the tub.

Ryan gets in from behind me and slowly pulls both of us down, situates me so that my back leans against his hard, toned chest.
He also wraps his strong arms around me, over my chest so I can lean my head on his biceps while I drag my fingernails over his arm.

"She's pretty young for this diagnose, isn't she?" Ryan sighs from behind me and then pulls me even closer to him.
"Yeah... she's fifty-six. She shouldn't even have to think about this. It started maybe two years ago. We thought she was joking and trying to make some fun when she said that she doesn't remember what she did two or three days ago. But she was so confused about it so that actually rang some bells..."

"We took her to a doctor and the diagnosis was set only minutes after we got there."
He's so calm at telling me but I know that his heart breaks right now as he tells me. But I feel that he wants to tell me...

"You know... the worst thing and what was the most painful thing was when she wouldn't remember us. Dad, Alexa... me. Nit even her fucking cat."

But then he starts to laugh a little from behind me.
"Do you want to know the only thing that she never forgot?" I answer him with a shake of my head and wait for his answer.
"That her favorite flowers are sunflowers. She planted four of them in my garden. They should represent my parents, Alexa and me. She always knows that."

"That's beautiful..." I answer him. I don't know what else to say. "I need to ask you something." He says. He sounds nervous. So I turn my upper body a little to the side to look at him. "Shoot." I won't hide anything from him.
"Why didn't you tell my mom that we're not dating?"
I turn back around to my previous position and lay my head on his shoulders.
"She looked happy with you having someone on your side. I didn't want to ruin fhat for her."
I also kind of didn't want to deny it. But he doesn't have to know that.

"You know that this is one thing she won't forget. You'll have to play couple with me around her."

Aren't we arleady doing that in private too?

"That's fine." I answer him. "Thank you, Ki." Ryan says while kissing the side of my head. "For what?"

"For you being here with me. For letting me experience what it's like to know you."

"Didn't you ever have thoughts about me being a bitch when we came here? Because I was...."
"Never." He simply answers me.
Do I deserve him?
I don't think so.
I think no one deserves someone like him.

But I kind of have him. So I turn my head, grab his face with one hand and kiss him. He does the same with grabbing my face. The kiss again says so much more than words could ever do.

We both know that there is something. I think we just both are scared of moving too fast. I slowly turn around so that our stomachs and centers are touching. He is growing under me. But the only thing we are giving our full attention is this one kiss. It lasts so long. Doesn't break once. Never getting less special.

But then, I straddle him in the tub, grab him and guide him inside me, still without breaking the kiss. The only thing that interrupts it are our lout sighs.

________

I'm in my painting room. Ryan and I went to sleep after the bath at eleven but I got up again. It's around one in the morning. I'm drawing an idea that got into my head earlier.

I left the door open in case Nevaeh is looking for me so I wouldn't hear the door open.

The only thing that gets me out of my thoughts is a pair of arms wrapping around me. "Why are you awake?" He asks me.
"I couldn't sleep. Wasn't tired." "Mhmm." He answers. But his arms tightened around me when I think he saw the painting. Sunflowers.

"God what are you doing to me, woman?" You're the one asking me that?

_______
They're so married. Prove me wrong.

Comment your thoughts! Love you🤍🤍