Summary:
Jake and Felix struggle with feelings and Jake says he's sorry
Chapter 3
Felix is trying not to fucking cry into his pillow like some stereotypical teenage girl but it's kind of hard. His hand hurts from where he punched Jake because hitting people has always been more Jake's area of expertise than Felix's. His life sucks enough with the failure of his spell to cure Oscar and he really needs Jake right now.
Jake bites the back of his hand to stop himself from saying a certain name over and over when he's alone in his room. He can't get his mind off Felix and the way he's pretty sure he's fucked everything up so completely that Felix won't talk to him ever again. Sometimes Jake really wishes he could forget everything he ever did with Felix just so he wouldn't feel so fucking bad, but at the same time he wants the memories to never fade.
Felix is walking home from school with Ellen as usual and he's so distracted by the sight of Jake in the distance that he doesn't hear what Ellen's saying. She looks kind of pissed when he admits he wasn't listening, but she must not be too upset because she's fucking kissing him. Felix panics and pulls away and tries to fix this and wishes he'd never said whatever it was that made her think this was okay. He doesn't want to be like Jake.
Jake watches Ellen kiss Felix and for once he's actually kind of fucking jealous. He is reminded of that time he saw Felix with someone else before everything started to go wrong. Those images flash through his mind, some unnamed guy touching Felix the way Jake is supposed to, and then he's thinking about the way Felix bites his lip like he's reminding Jake what he wants, as if he would ever forget. Jake is kind of worried that Felix is going to fucking leave him or something until he reminds himself that they're not even together. It's Jake's lucky day or something because Felix looks totally freaked out by the whole thing and Ellen's walking off alone. Jake follows Felix to the park where he just sits by himself and Jake's about to join him before he realises he's acting like some kind of fucking stalker. He's leaving when he hears Felix sniffling like he's about to cry and even though it's so inexcusably not like what he would normally do, Jake sits next to him and just says hi, being so careful it's like he thinks Felix is going to break. They sit in silence for a few minutes until Jake whispers that he's sorry and Felix says he has to get home.
The moment in the park was painfully awkward but Felix is okay with it because Jake was holding his hand like he actually cared and Felix can't recall ever having heard Jake Riles apologise to him about anything. It's really obvious that Jake saw what Ellen did but neither of them wants to talk about it, especially because Felix doesn't even know what to say to Ellen, let alone Jake. For now, he's out of it with his fucking stupid excuse that he doesn't know if he likes girls, but he knows Ellen and her inevitable questioning. She's eventually going to start asking the difficult questions and there isn't any good way for Felix to tell her that he let Jake fuck him, especially when he still can't really believe it himself.
It's really difficult for Jake to be around Felix, when all he wants to do is hold him down and kiss him, the reappearance of the now untouchable lip piercings making it too damn hard to resist. Jake still has a couple of classes with Felix and he watches him when he's bored, memorising the way Felix plays with the metal rings. It's not easy to realise that he now devotes almost all his waking hours to thinking about the boy who he used to use as a punching bag. It was also sort of weird to hear Felix admit that he pissed Jake off on purpose, that he liked it when Jake hit him. It shouldn't have been that surprising; Jake has an image permanently etched into his mind of the bruising and scratches marring Felix's skin after they fucked in Phoebe's bathroom so long ago. He remembers tracing the marks and watching how much it affected Felix in the best way possible when he inflicted more damage. It wasn't so much that Jake liked causing Felix pain but that he liked being in control, and of course Felix really fucking liked it when Jake hurt him. The problem was that Jake had hurt him badly in a different way, and it seemed so wrong to see those pretty eyes fill with tears because of Jake. Sometimes Jake wonders if he always knew he was going to end it and how the hell he let himself go so far.
Felix has a photo of Jake in his room and he knows it's fucking creepy but he's keeping it because it's better than nothing at all. He doesn't have it displayed or anything, it's just there, hidden in the back pages of his journal.
Bates isn't quite as psycho now but he seems to think it's a fucking great idea to do in-class group assignments. For once Felix and Ellen aren't automatically together and Jake goes to sit with Felix before he realises that would be fucking insane. It's too late though and Jake thinks it might not be such a bad idea after all when Felix deliberately brushes his hand against Jake's every five seconds.
Contrary to popular belief, Jake does actually care about stuff other than sport. When Felix mentions he's home alone on the weekend Jake stupidly asks if Felix wants him to come over to watch a movie or something, and he's not sure whether he should be hoping the answer is no. Jake thinks he would actually rather go fight another demon than be here in Felix's room, going through an extensive horror movie collection trying to find one that won't make him act like a scared little kid. Felix leans over him to pull a DVD off the shelf and Jake presses into the contact, acting like nothing happened when Felix backs away. They're halfway through the movie when Felix shifts closer to Jake, pressing against his side. Jake stops breathing for a second and tries not to fucking pounce on Felix because that probably wouldn't be appreciated. He's pretty sure that Felix would be totally okay with it though when he feels hot breath on his neck and realises Felix's hand is resting way too far up his leg for it to be innocent. Jake turns and Felix kisses him, and Jake carefully tugs on the lip piercings that he's been missing for too long. Kissing Felix is starting to feel like a natural part of Jake's life and he can't believe he did anything to fuck this up. They're interrupted by screams from the TV, and Felix breaks away to turn it off. Jake watches Felix's movements and he's completely fine with the way he's looking at Felix the way he used to look at girls. Jake bites back a moan when Felix repositions himself in Jake's lap and then they're kissing again, and Jake has his hand tangled in Felix's dark hair and he had never had any idea that he would find this kind of situation so fucking hot.
Felix is having trouble sleeping but there are no similarities between this and the nights he spent wishing he meant something to Jake. Instead he can't stop thinking about Jake pulling at his hair and how it felt to be kissing him without any of Jake's fucking games, to not have to choke back the noises he made when Jake told him exactly what he wanted to do to him. Felix didn't let Jake do anything more than just kiss, and it was intriguing to see what it felt like to be in control for once. Not that Jake ever had to work very hard to convince Felix to let him do whatever he wanted.
Jake walks home a different way to usual because he's sort of worked up after the unexpected developments with Felix and he needs more time to clear his head. His new path takes him straight past Ellen's house and she's outside which presents a pretty fucking awkward situation. Jake didn't get around to asking Felix what happened but he guessed by the way he had his tongue in Jake's mouth that he isn't dating her. She probably doesn't know the other stuff because he can't imagine Felix telling her that he spent his nights trying to stay quiet as Jake bit his throat hard enough to leave marks, or that he was covered in bruises for days after he begged Jake to fuck him. She isn't attacking him as he walks past anyway, just treats him with the usual contempt as Jake tries not to feel so smug when he tells himself that he won.
