ALIVE - R. BOWEN

sixteen

cw // drugs and smoking

Ricky looked dumbfounded at Big Red standing there with the wide smile and happy-go-lucky look on his face.

Ricky stood there for a long time, searching for something to say to Big Red. "Ricky?" Big Red asked when it seemed that it had been almost too long.

"Sorry, no you didn't miss anything but I'm not feeling that well. I think I'm gonna dip..." Ricky told the boy, who's smile began to falter. This wasn't even a lie though, considering how Ricky now felt sick to his stomach after Howie threatened reveal his troubling past. "Is there any way you can get Nini home?"

Big Red nodded slowly, more confused and concerned than anything. "Yeah, of course. You sure you're alright?" The boy asked. "You look a little pale."

Ricky nodded, "I'll be fine. Thanks." Ricky assured the boy. Big Red nodded, believing Ricky, proceeding to clasp onto the boys hand and pat him on the shoulder as a goodbye.

Before Ricky could make his exit, he stopped, turning in his tracks. Ricky had the most serious expression Big Red had ever seen the boy wear since their few short months of friendship. "Tell Nini I'm sorry." Was all that Ricky could say as he left the establishment.

Ricky slid into the drivers seat of his car, practically punching the wheel as his thoughts began to consume him. "Fuck this!" He yelled out in anger and embarrassment. It wasn't fair, because it always seemed that no matter how far away Ricky tried to run from his pain and his embarrassing past, it somehow pulled him back in. The rabbit hole of his former wrongdoings was long and almost never ending and the desire to deepen this hole was always at the forefront of Ricky's mind. He was at a loss with himself.

After minutes upon minutes of just sitting and staring out the front windshield, Ricky finally drive himself home. No stunts, no nothing, just a slow drive with soft music playing in the background, all songs that Nini had cued before getting out of the car.

He wished that he could explain it all to her, at this point he was even ready to apologize to Gina, but as he laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling he began to feel trapped in his room, deciding that it was better for him to be out than in, even if meant that poor decisions would come of it.

He picked up his skateboard and snuck out the front door, well snuck was a strong word considering Mike Bowen was passed out on the couch, not even noticing that his son was leaving straight out the front door. Before Ricky left, he shut off the tv, and quietly shut the door behind him.

He would tell himself that it was because he didn't want his dad to wake up and catch him, but in reality, he just didn't want his dad to wake up at all.

The night air was colder than Ricky expected, but the skate park wasn't far, and if he got there fast enough he might still be able to engage in the passing of the blunt or clear, or whatever the kids at the skatepark had managed to sneak from the stashes of their older siblings, or some of them, even buy for themselves.

Sure enough, on the other side of the ramp, a group of kids, some Ricky recognized and some he didn't, were sitting in a circle passing around all sorts of drug related objects.

"Hey Dicky, care to join?" A boy with dirty blonde hair asked Ricky as he took a seat next to the boy.

Ricky rolled his eyes, almost yanking the clear out of the boy's hands, "Actually yeah." He said, hitting the clear and letting the smoke billow out of his mouth. "And it's Ricky."