𝙞 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 - 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙙𝙚𝙨

𝐨𝐧𝐞

tw: mentions of cutting & su!c!de

it all started near the end of freshman year, and mostly over the summer between sophomore and freshman year. when burt and carole got married. finn didn't really have a voice in decision making, or family plans. it was kind of just kurt, carole, and burt. he was just pushed to the side, not apart of the "family." that situation just threw him off, it was always his mom and him, then kurt and burt come and steal her away. he wasn't angry, he couldn't be, carole was happy, he was just sad. he didn't know anyone could tell how upset he was about this, adding on santana lopez's fat jokes. but his girlfriend at the time, rachel berry, noticed. so she broke up. she didn't explain to him why, but she knew it was for his own good that she go her own way.

sophomore year, he started dating quinn fabray. head cheerleader. they were the most popular kids in school, they go together well, right? wrong. they may seem like the picture perfect couple that came straight of some sappy high school romance movie. but they aren't. she's terrible to him, he doesn't know what he did, or how they got to this point, but quinn fabray was a monster. on tv you see shows, documentaries, movies, and etc... about men being the abusive ones, it's always the men who are terrible. they never shed the light on relationships where the woman is abusive. finn feels that if he tells anyone, no one will believe him. he's six foot four, large, and a male. of course no one would believe him if he said there was a short, innocent looking, female beating on him. so he just let's it happen, what else is he supposed to do? quinn, santana, and his "family" are what drive him to his edge.

it's now junior year, well mid junior year. he's pale, fragile, and skinny. very skinny. he's definitely below weight for his age and height. but he doesn't care, he'll do anything to get the  latinas criticizing voice out of his head. he started hitting the gym all summer, it made him feel worse. just walking in and seeing those guys with perfectly toned abs and nice arms made him more self conscious then he already was. so he stopped eating. it was easy to get away with, his parents didn't notice how he would take his food upstairs and dump it into the trash can next to his bed. they also didn't seem to notice the bags under his eyes from being so tired, mentally and physically. the only question now was, how much more could he take?

six for disappointing kurt, burt, and carole, two for each. four, one for every pound he's gained this month. three, the amount of times quinn has belittled him in one day. two, one for letting coach beiste down, and one for letting mr.schue down. the last one is long and deep, he whimpers holding back tears as the razor gets pressed into his skin. the last one is for being such a fuck up in general. a bad friend, a bad brother, a bad son, a bad boyfriend, a big stupid fuck up. this wouldn't be the first time he's done this, and it sure as hell won't be the last. it brings him some sort of relief, it's painful, but it's nothing he can't handle.

"get up! we're gonna be late." kurt said pulling open finn's curtains. "jesus finn, you look terrible. go fix yourself up so we can go." he added on watching his slightly older brother rise up slowly.

"can you get out now?" finn asked with closed eyes. he could just hear the eye roll he received when kurt replied with a 'whatever' before leaving. finn wanted to lay back down, but he didn't feel like getting yelled at this early, although he knew he was gonna receive a lot of that the minute he walks into school.

and correct he was. quinn was currently at his locker yelling at him about what he was wearing, and how he apparently forgot he had to give her his letterman. it was stupid, just like most of the things she yelled at him about. "why can't you do anything right? why is that i have to be the only one with a brain in this relationship?" while she went on her daily rampage, he imagined banging his head on the locker in front of him. "hey! are you listening to me!?" thank god the bell rang. he could finally escape this living hell named quinn. "this conversation isn't over." she said before strutting away.

mercedes jones was watching quinn yell at finn from her locker. it isn't her first time watching the couple get into it. after every argument she always feels this knot of guilt in her stomach, like she should do or say something. but something stops her every time. she closes her locker and lets out a long frustrated sigh as she watches the tired boy walk the opposite direction down the hall.

finn was currently sitting on the floor in the boys restroom. he had asked his science teacher to go to the bathroom thirty minutes ago. he was having one of his moments where he just wanted to burst into tears. he had nothing to cry about at the moment, but he could just feel his throat tighten and his face heat up. this happened pretty often, mostly while he was at school. he doesn't know why, or what triggers him, it just happens. "four, four, a , two, five, c, d." he repeated to himself barely above a whisper. it calmed him down in times like this. there was no meaning behind the combo, it's just the first thing that came to mind when this first ever happened.

he heard the door open and he started to slightly panic. "dude, what the hell? you've been in here for like a hour." he heard the voice of his "best friend" puck say. finn didn't respond, he instead put his head in his hands. "finn! dude, get up. stop being weird." puck rolled his eyes, he began to grow annoyed at his friend's actions. finn shook his heads and mumbled a get out to puck. "whatever. come find me when you're done being a little bitch." screw him, finn thought. puck doesn't know what it's like to live finn's life, if he did he would be just as miserable as finn is.

in glee, finn sat in the back row next to quinn who was talking to santana and brittany. he was staring off into space thinking about how he became this big depressed suicidal mess. he used to be such a happy kid, the nicest person everyone knew. god, if only he could go back in time. "finn!" mr.schue yelled for the third time, finn turned his attention to his teacher ignoring the looks from his peers. he hummed a response.

"your solo? it's your turn." mr.schue said causing finn to furrow his eyebrows. "what solo?" he questioned. "the solo about what's going on in your life right now." damn, how could he forget. "can i go tomorrow? i'm not ready." mr.schue shook his head, "no can do. get over here." finn held in a sigh and walked towards the band. he had no clue what he was gonna sing, his life wasn't as good as it seemed. so what could he possibly sing?

[ life's too short to even care at all

i'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control
these fishes in the sea they're staring at me
a wet world aches for a beat of a drum

if i could find a way to see this straight
i'd run away
to some fortune that i, i should have found by now

i'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down.

life's too short to even care at all
i'm coming up now, coming up now out of the blue
these zombies in the park they're looking for my heart
a dark world aches for a splash of the sun

if i could find a way to see this straight
i'd run away
yo some fortune that i, i should have found by now

and so i run now to the things they said could restore me
restore life the way it should be
i'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

life's too short to even care at all
i'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control

if i could find a way to see this straight
i'd run away
to some fortune that i, i should have found by now

and so i run now to the things they said could restore me
restore life the way it should be
i'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down

one more spoon of cough syrup now
one more spoon of cough syrup now ]

throughout finn's very in depth and emotional performance, there were only two people who had a sincere reaction. the rest were either confused or were thinking that finn was being dramatic. slow claps ran throughout the choir room before mr.schue spoke up. "amazing performance finn, loved the emotion. take notes guys, that is the key to winning regionals."

'you have got to be kidding me!' mercedes thought after their teacher was finished speaking. it bewildered her how finn just gave this cry for help performance, and all mr.schue cared about was winning a stupid singing competition. and to add the icing on the cake, no one else in the room seemed to care, although rachel did have this weird look of sadness and guilt on her face.

finally, the day was over. finn just wanted to get in his bed and fall into a deep sleep. maybe forever.