Blue Lupus

Chapter Twenty: First Fights and First Times

        Jake was sitting in his bed, passing the frail orange bottle between his two hands, running his fingers over it and taking in its smooth texture. He watched rotate, soon exposing its label. Carefully he moved his thumb, lightly rubbing its pad over the name.

         Alaska Luke.

        The door opened almost silently, yet to Jake it was the loudest noise in the world. 

        “How are you feeling?” Her voice was quite, knowing that she was in trouble now that her secret was spilled. 

        Jake kept his gaze down on the pill bottle. How did he feel? Like hell. His stomach had been torn apart, he had stitches everywhere down his arms and legs. He felt like he had been hit by a truck—five times. Yet the thing that hurt him the most was standing right next to him: asking how he was.

        “I am fine.” 

        Alaska let out the breath she was holding. She had been halfway expecting him to instantly yell at her. Tell her how she was a horrible person and order her to leave the house. But instead he was doing the absolute worse thing: not talking to her about it at all.

        Guilt whelled in Alaska’s chest; she had known that her doing the drugs was wrong but for some reason so never stopped to think about how much it was going to hurt Jake. How betrayed he would feel.  She figured that the Vicodin was her problem and wouldn’t affect her loved ones. But obviously she was wrong. It was affecting everyone, and it took her a long time to realize it. 

        Ala had always been the girl who worried about everyone, constantly checking in on people and making sure they were happy. If anyone were upset she would do anything to help cheer him or her up. She was the type of person a friend could call and ask to pick them up from a sleazy bar at four am. She was the friend who would listen to someone cry on the phone for two hours. But when she tangoed with Vicodin… She became the friend who didn’t even know she was hurting everyone in her life.

        She had to make this better. Alaska knew Jake was going to be pulling the silent treatment, so she had to be the one to initiate the conversation. She had to own up to her actions. “Jake…” She started, her eyes handing on the pill bottle and her heart ached. She wished she were the one who told him- not Alyssa. Who knew how cruel Aly had been when she told Jake. The young woman was not well known to be gentle with the emotions.

        “Yeah?” He said almost inaudibly, snapping Alaska out of her thoughts. 

        Alaska sat on the side of his bed, gently taking his hand in hers. His was limp, not ready to show her any affection, but she held his tightly- not ready to lose the boy. “I know you want to talk.”

        “Oh, do you?” Jake grumbled, turning his head away from her, looking at the opposite side of the room instead of his girlfriend.

        Alaska winced, finally seeing where Alyssa got some of her attitude. They definitely were siblings. Ala’s heart quickened, nervous about the impending fight. She and Jake never fought before. She had no clue what to expect. Was this first fight going to be their last? “Please, Jake, let me try to explain.”

        “Explain what?” Jake finally whipped his head around, Alaska now able to see the hurt in his eyes. “Explain how you went behind my back and have been doing drugs? How instead of coming to me and telling me that you have a problem you instead told my brother to keep it a secret?” Alaska winced; she hadn’t known that Jake knew that. 

        As Jake went to continue though, Alaska dove in, “I know, I know!” She stood up, pacing around, “I know I did something wrong Jake. I am so sorry.” She felt her eyes tingle but still no actual tears forming. She swore she was cursed to never actually produce tears. “I went down a bad path. Its just I started getting these really bad head aches and the pills were the only thing that helped. Then when I wasn’t taking them, I felt so gross that I needed one. I don't know how to explain it-