Yayyyyyyy, let's get personal. Imma just explain my backstory because no one will listen and no-one reads this anywayyyy.
So, first off, I'm the middle child.
Second off, my (big) sister has been ill since December 2nd 2020. I am writing this on the 4th of September 2021. We still don't know what's properly wrong with her, but she is just to tired to do anything. Even getting changed is hard for her. She can't reply to text messages and has to nap almost all day. Everything is hard for her. She hasn't washed her hair in God knows how long. Until you experience something like this yourself, it's really hard to understand what siblings really mean. So, yeah, this has quite a psychological effect on me, because I have had to watch her experience so many hard things, and she is not even a little bit better. So, that's hard for me.
Thirdly, I had PMS.
And, I'm a pansexual (don't have a preferred gender when looking for romantic attraction, I date people for their soul or personality), and as much as I wish my family that I lived with supported me, they just don't completely get it. I am having a bit of a gender-crisis, as I have a small feeling I might be gender-fluid. My mum tells me all the time that I will always be her little GIRL, and not as in still her baby, but I will always be a girl in her heart, which kinda hurts because I'm really just looking for support. Which is why I'm lucky to have my aunt to be fair- (she's my mums sister) and she's a lesbian, married to a woman. I find it hard but she's always there for me.
So yeah, all of these negative emotions just got trapped inside of me and I honestly was thinking about ending it all. So I held on and wrote this terrible poem instead. :)
