SEXY BEAST and THE NAKED LADY: NARROWBOAT TALES VOLUME 2

Introduction

This is the second volume of stories about my time living on a narrowboat in England. My experiences are much different to most for two reasons. First, I am not a technical guy. I never got into the mechanics of the beast or how everything worked. I just love being near or on water. Second, I am an expat Canadian and as such, have a very different cultural perspective on English or British narrowboaters and narrowboating. I hope you enjoy these stories. They are taken from Blogs I wrote regarding my life on a narrowboat, edited and reworked. Unfortunately, I could not include the photos that went with each story. Too technical for me. I tried, but they wouldn't transfer from the original Blogs to a copy. Use your imagination. Lastly, I would like to thank my best friend, Jenny, without whom, none of this life would have been possible. 

                                                                                          Story 1

                                                                                            BOO!

With all due respect to the season we are about to enter, Christmas (which, by the way, seems to be kicking off earlier and earlier these days), I want to say something about an American institution that has grown astronomically in popularity all over Britain in recent years. Halloween. It originated here in Britain in another form entirely as All Hallows' Evening. A time to remember the dead. America took it and made it into a time of candy gathering and eating, costume wearing, house decorating and a huge money-making night for the retail industry.

I grew up in a mixed-up home when it came to Halloween. I lived in Canada back then. Before my dad went back to school to become a preacher, my brother and I would go trick or treating on our own without any adult accompaniment or supervision. More innocent times? Not necessarily. There were those who put razor blades in apples and rat poison in baked goods to harm us kiddies. We missed those houses fortunately. We had been warned. Those people were usually found out rather quickly and put in jail. The dictum went out that we should accept only pre-packaged, industrially made candies. My memory may not serve me as well as it ought, but I seem to recall getting more of those thick, chewy sweets wrapped in an orange, black and white wrapper. Were they called Candy Kisses? And if so, why? They were awful. Like lumps of sweet malt but tasting like something good for you that wasn't.

Then the family got super religious and pronounced the 31st of October as a demon worshipping catastrophe that promoted greed and was against everything the Bible stood for. I carried that over into my own family's non-celebration of the night for years. We would turn out all the lights...no lighted pumpkins here...hide in the basement and have our own anti-Halloween celebration complete with goodies, non-ghoulish (demonic) costumes and a sanitised kids movie, usually from Disney. Oh, those foolish times, although these parents at least controlled the amount of sugar ingested and the kids always had a good time.

We fought it for as long as we could, but the kids prevailed and eventually got their way to dress up and go out like normal children, at least normal in the sense that most everyone else was doing it so what the hell. If you can't beat 'em...you know the rest. I hate giving in when I have strong convictions of the opposite persuasion, but then I've never really had strong convictions along any line. Not worth it. I'm usually wrong if I do, and, anyway, life's too short.

Still, I'm not a great fan of Halloween in any case. I'm the Christmas dude. I like Guy Fawkes night too. Plain old Bank Holidays (long weekends) suit me best. But I shall no longer poopoo Halloween. I may not like the inevitable Americanisation of England and Europe. I'm sure it's going to be worse as American Presidents tend to influence European ways. The Donald did his best. Biden simply hates England since Brexit. Sillyland continues to affect European politics, but Halloween is mostly innocuous.